So Woody Allen gave excerpts of his “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” diary to the New York Times to publish. They’re funny, clever, frank and of course continue his to display his pervy ways. However, what we like about them is how they basically prove how hard it is for Woody to make a film these days. In the beginning, he’s told he has money to make a movie in Barcelona (the Europeans love him), but he has no story. But nevermind that, right? “Someone’s offering me money to make a movie? Hell, I’ll just set the movie in Spain.” Good thinking Woody. Either that or he’s being super self-effacing (which he kind of is throughout).
On shooting in Spain with no clue what film he’s making:
“Received offer to write and direct film in Barcelona. Must be cautious. Spain is sunny, and I freckle. Have no idea for Barcelona unless the story of the two Hackensack Jews who start a mail-order embalming firm could be switched.” Woody, still good ol’ perv.
“Met with Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz. She’s ravishing and more sexual than I had imagined. During interview my pants caught fire. “
Woody might be joking, but you know he’s still serious.
“Once again I had to help Javier with the lovemaking scenes. The sequence requires him to grab Penélope Cruz, tear off her clothes and ravish her in the bedroom. Oscar winner that he is, the man still needs me to show him how to play passion. I grabbed Penélope and with one motion tore her clothes off. As fate would have it she had not yet changed into costume, so it was her own expensive dress I mutilated. Undaunted I flung her down before the fireplace and dove on top of her. Minx that she is, she rolled away a split second before I landed causing me to fracture certain key teeth on the tile floor. Fine day’s work, and I should be able to eat solids by August.”
Read Between the Lines
“Made love with Scarlett and Penélope simultaneously in an effort to keep them happy. Ménage gave me great idea for the climax of the movie. Rebecca kept pounding on the door, and I finally let her in, but those Spanish beds are too small to handle four, and when she joined, I kept getting bounced to the floor.”
The rest is too silly to excerpt, but self-deprecate all you want Woody, we still know you want to badly, badly bed Cruz, Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall.
