A number of noteworthy new trailers debuted this week, including Spike Jonze’s “Where the Wild Things Are” and Peter Jackson’s “The Lovely Bones.” Then… there’s this.
It’s “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant,” which has to be one of the worst film titles since “The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain.” And while the film does boast some intriguing names in its credits (like writer Brian Helgeland, who was responsible for “L.A. Confidential,” “Mystic River,” and… “The Postman”) and a fairly solid cast (including Willem Dafoe, Ray Stevenson, Salma Hayek, Orlando Jones, Ken Wanatabe, Jane Krakowski, “Almost Famous” kid Patrick Fugit, and Kristen Schaal from “Flight of the Conchords”) this trailer makes the movie look awful.
After watching the trailer, which appears to be a sub-“Harry Potter” flight of fancy (actually, scratch that, it doesn’t even deserve to be called sub-“Harry Potter,” let’s call it sub-“Lemony Snicket”), all hope is lost. It’s about a young man who is turned into a vampire by the doughy and not-in-the-least-bit-threatening John C. Reilly, and then joins a traveling circus of sideshow freaks/vampires… Or something. (Your guess is as good as ours.)
The movie, for all its Tim Burton-esque production design, fails to create much of a mood in the clip, and it looks far too goofy to be taken seriously by the “Twilight” crowd (which the trailer seems almost directly targeting). Who is this movie for exactly?? But the real question is: who is the creepier child predator – John C. Reilly or Stanley Tucci in “Lovely Bones?”
Reilly seemingly wants to “convert” one of the young boys to the fun! times that being a vampire can be. Tucci is obviously killing off little girls and sports a pretty gross Chester the Molester mustache and toupee. Pedos are in this fall. One looks like it’s going to bomb and one looks like, well, it might have Oscar hopes if its goofy and gooey-looking (“Delgo”-inspired?) special effects don’t ruin the movie (Peter, what were you thinking?) – Drew Taylor
jasus johnny what are ye doin to yaself? ya daft? ya 'ungry? kicked outta da fo' seasons hotel lobby cause ya looked like somma sorta nic cage right offa a sosorors apprentice foto shoot?
yah can do much betta fo yaself ya kno.
If we're talking bad movie titles, don't forget "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" and especially "The Goods: Live Hard, Something Something." At least "Cirque du Freak…" provides a certain (dismal) amount of context.
How these titles make it through is beyond me.
I kinda thought John C. Reilly was going for wacky and bizarro here. This doesn't seem like it wants to be taken seriously, unlike Twilight.
Hey! Don't diss "The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain." That is the best movie ever!
But seriously, thanks for reminding me that that movie existed. You made my day.