Gather around, children, for a VERY spooky story…
Let this be a scaaaary lesson for all you boys and girls this Halloween season. Do not DARE to offend the dead by exploiting them for your own gaaaaaain! Sony forked over $60 million for the rights to Michael Jackson rehearsal footage, knowing this ghoulish video would be in demand online and on DVD, realizing they could instead charge top dollar for strutting out the decayed near-corpse of the King of Pop for a couple of weeks before ancillaries. International numbers aren’t in, though if the film’s domestic $20.7 million weekend and $32 million ($45 million internationally) five day are anything to go by, they will not meet these numbers, and Sony will die a finaaaaancial deeeaaaaaath! There won’t nearly be as much demand for the ghost of “Thriller” next weekend, meaning the American tally could top out at $60 domestic, which would mean an eaaaarly graaaave for Sony shareholders! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Paramount did another type of scary business, utilizing All Hallow’s Eve to platform “Paranormal Activity” over 2000 screens. It didn’t break out much further, but it did clear $80 million with $100 clearly in its sights. Eerily, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” made $832 million worldwide, but “Paranormal”‘s grosses and low costs (Witchy Rumor Conjurer Nikki Finke claims $15 million is the P&A on this film) suggest its Paramount’s most profitable film of the year. Where did the profits go, Michael Baaaaaaaay? Paramount wants to know! And they want to know NOW! BWAHAHAHA!
Beware the multiplex zombies, those who want to eat brains despite not having ones of their own! They came out in droves over this haunted holiday to take in two forgettable programmers, “Law Abiding Citizen” and “Couples Retreat,” both films having the legs of a freshly reanimated corpse! “Citizen” crossed $50 million this weekend and could even play for a few more weeks! “Couples,” meanwhile, is threatening $90 million, and if it hits $100 it could become one of the highest grossing sitcoms of the year, right behind “The Proposal,” “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” and “Angels and Demons”! Soon enough, lowered expectations will weather even the non-zombies, until the multiplex isn’t safe for those with still-edible cerebellums! HAR HAR HAR!
The fools at Lionsgate gleefully thought they could tempt fate by exploiting a gore-hungry marketplace, but instead the joke’s on them! The bean-counters for “Saw VI” are instead counting pink slips, as their precious franchise took a dirt bath in its second weekend! They thought they had a license to print money, but against “Paranormal Activity” it looks like they have a license to PERISH! The next one’s in 3D, but we’re impressed they can afford those extra dimensions! What sort of godly sacrifices could they be making at the LG offices? Knowing their penny pinching, perhaps they’re cutting off their noses to spite whatever they have left for a face in Hollywood! HEH HEH HEHHHHHHH.
Similar luck befell Warner Bros., who gambled and lost on “Wild Things” that weren’t wild enough! “Where The Wild Things Are” had it’s guts torn out and tied to the back of a truck after its first weekend, and now it’s remains are spilled all over the ground! “Wild Things” will be lucky to close out at $80 million, but budget numbers stretch from $80 to $120 million, which will be on top of a hefty P&A campaign turning these creatures into “mild things” at best! Watch as the rest of Hollywood’s chintzy kids’ films feast on the carcass of Spike Jonze’s precious pet project! HO HO HO HO HOOOOOOOO!
1. This Is DEATH!- $21.3 million ($32 million)
2. Paranormal Activity- $16.5 million ($83 mil.)
3. Law Abiding Satyr Of Doom!- $6.7 million ($51 mil.)
4. Couples Retreat From The Madness Of Clthulu!- $6 million ($86 mil.)
5. Saw VI- $5 million ($23 mil.)
6. Where The Wild Things Are Being Tortured On A Spit!- $4.8 million ($63 mil.)
7. Astroboy And The Skin Plague Of Death- $4 million ($12 mil.)
8. The Stepfather- $3.5 million ($25 mil.)
9. Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant- $3 million ($11 mil.)
10. Amelia And The Bermuda Triangle Of Dismemberment, Starring The Dogfaced Woman!- $2.7 million ($9 mil.)
I think Warner deserves it after unleashing "Watchmen" on us all…
Poor Jonze though…
As for the Jackson stravaganza… Don't know, don't care… It is creepy that they did that. But heyyy… It's la la laaaanddd… Anything can happen.
Remember when someone reported "this is it" was going to do spider-man numbers because of the early ticket sales. ahahha. thank god this tanked.
"I think Warner deserves it after unleashing "Watchmen" on us all…"
whether you liked it or not you have to admit Warner is the ballsiest studio out there. Look at there slate, an R rated superhero film? An art film for kids? Plus many other examples of this. Keep it up WB.
Since when is getting 20+ million dollars for a 60 million dollar film on opening weekend a bad thing? Wild Things cost over 100 million and only opened with 30+ is it a bomb?
Well, Cirkus, they had their sights set on a bigger number. Sure, in the end the numbers will be amazing, but the biggest point of pride for these guys is domestic gross, and when $60 million is spent (before p&a) for a $50 mil. domestic gross, it doesn't impress anybody.
Yes, what a disaster "This Is It" is: A $100 million worldwide opening weekend gross, that will allow the film to probably finish at close to $200 million. Plus the DVDs. And CDs.
Man, Sony is so stupid! Why would they spend $60 million on something that could end up returning them 4 times that? Idiots.
The Michael Jackson documentary This Is It has done pretty well internationally, but the domestic numbers are nowhere near where they were expected to be. It's puzzling to me why there was still an air of dominance about the film's performance.
@Acnespan:
There was "an air of dominance" about the performance because the media throwing numbers around talk out of their asses.
It was a pretty good 5-day run $32.5 mil), but when you're the only movie opening up, and presumably supposed to be a sell-out attraction it's not that great.
Why people thought that this would be such a HUGE hit is a bit of a mystery. There was so much coverage of MJ after his death for about 2 months, why would someone want to pay $20 for two tickets to see more?
It's like an Iraq War movie coming out in 2005, although those were usually pretty good.
They spent 60 million for the footage, this does not include the production budget of assembling the film and marketing it. sounds like they're in much deeper than the initial 60.
Sony just bought a finished product i think. Paid $60 million up front for it all, though i could be wrong, but unless you're privy to the deal you can only speculate.
Sony only have themselves to blame if This Is It is viewed as a disappointment after their ridiculous hype suggested it could take up to $100 million in 5 days.
The Halloween themed write-up made me smile.