Weekend Box Office- Metaphor Lost As Millions Amble Listlessly To ‘Zombieland’

Zombies used to be punk rock. Under the radar, off the grid, and away from the mainstream, most zombie movies only showed modest returns, coupled with cult followings from a small legion of the devoted, and big studios seemed to avoid the lure of spending too much to promote whatever flesh-eating epics they had on the docket. The “Dawn of the Dead” remake seemed to change that, becoming the highest grossing zombie movie in history, which might now be eclipsed with “Zombieland.” The cheap zom-com pulled in $25 million, and has an outside chance of surpassing the “Dawn” remake given that film’s precipitous post-first-weekend decline. Consider the “Dawn” remake and now “Zombieland” the Green Day and Blink 182 to “Night of the Living Dead”‘s Sex Pistols. Also consider this, horror fans- “Zombieland” pulled in $12 million more this weekend than “Shaun of the Dead” did during its entire US theatrical run. Support quality, you jerks.

Sony’s having a modest year so far, with “Paul Blart” rocking the shit earlier this year and “Angels and Demons” just killing it overseas. Add to that “Zombieland” and “Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs,” which hung on to #2 with a decent hold in the face of a “Toy Story” re-release. It finishes the weekend at $80 million+ and could conceivably cross $100 million in only a week and a half with no serious competition beyond Disney’s ambitious double feature kamikaze. The “Toy Story” films were remastered for 3D, and as a result, its weekend number is inflated because of the surcharge, but so what? It’s a billion dollar franchise, and the third film next year will generously add to that.

Ricky Gervais is probably never going to be a household name. Blame xenophobia, poor marketing, his natural prickishness, Rio- whatever the case, he’s not going to open a movie, and Americans will probably grow accustomed to catching him as the fifth lead in some major comedy. As far as modern day comedians, he’s akin to a lesser martial arts star of early nineties action pictures. A Jeff Speakman, if you will. “The Invention of Lying,” given an under-2000 theater release, at least beat “Surrogates,” which no one really wants to see. After a 50% tumble, “Surrogates” looks like it will perform not unlike “16 Blocks” or “Hostage,” but at least it won’t be a “Perfect Stranger.” None of those movies, it must be said, cost anywhere near what “Surrogates” set Disney back.

In a similar vein, is Michael Moore over? “Capitalism: A Love Story” went semi-wide at 900+ locations and only averaged $5k per screen. “Sicko” did $10k per screen in its first semi-wide weekend, so we’re seeing a 50% audience decrease in nearly 500 more screens. Clearly, capitalism is to blame. Teehee. In all seriousness, it’s hard to get audiences to spend money to see just exactly how they’re losing money. A ticket costs $10+, and popcorn costs $5.50 for a small, and the toppings are $1.50 each when they used to be free, what’s up with that, America? “Toppings: A Love Story” would be much more interesting, should Moore decide to tackle the condiments business and investigate the scam where they are immensely cheap to produce but suddenly cost customers exorbitant amounts. Like $1.50 each. For ranch flavor. Fuck, man.

“Whip It” was indifferently advertised by Fox Searchlight, so the grrrl power sports picture debuted fairly softly, proving that girls only like movies about stupid shit like cooking, unattainable vampires and clothing. A female friend tells us that the reasons this and “Jennifer’s Body” fail to hit is because girls are very competitive, and they don’t like to celebrate or promote each other, especially in the case of the latter two films, both written, directed by and starring women. We’d accept her advice at face value, but she could be spreading false information because she’s very competitive, and doesn’t like to celebrate or promote other women.

Paramount has a minor sensation on their hands with “Paranormal Activity.” In only two weekends, it’s pulled in $780k from only late night or midnight showings. This weekend it grabbed a per-screen average of over $16k, coming entirely from one or two shows a night. Muscular? That’s fucking Herculean. Meanwhile, the week’s best per-screen for an actual full-on release was “A Serious Man,” which pulled in a spectacular $42k per screen for a $252k gross on only six screens. Not as lucrative but still very solid was “More Than A Game,” the LeBron James-sponsored documentary about LeBron James produced by LeBron James which pulled in $197k worth of LeBron James fans on fourteen LeBron James-sponsored screens. LeBron James.

1. Zombieland- $25 million
2. The Weather Is Food- $16.7 million ($82 mil.)
3. Toy Story/Toy Story 2- $12.5 million
4. The Invention Of Lying- $7.4 million
5. Surrogates- $7.3 million ($26 mil.)
6. Capitalism: A Love Story- $4.9 million ($5.3 mil.)
7. Whip It- $4.9 million
8. Fame- $4.8 million ($17 mil.)
9. The Informant!- $3.8 million ($27 mil.)
10. Love Happens- $2.8 million ($19 mil.)