The Weekend Almost Starts: Mel Gibson 20% Less Drunk, Moore Shockingly Upset With Bush

California judges are reviewing Mel Gibson’s progress in rehab and they’re happy to report that the blockbuster-directing anti-semite is 30% less intoxicated than usual. d Malibu Superior Court Judge Lawrence J. Mira said, “He had drank only two beers by noon and a Jewish woman walked by and he barely registered any discontent aside from a low-mummering grumble; we have high hopes for Mel.” [Reuters]
– In shocking news, disheveled anti-patriot Michael Moore is asking his dear friend George W. Bush to call off an investigation examing why the filmmaker took ailing 9/11 rescue workers to Cuba. Our guess is a little R&R? In a letter mailed to the White House, and sure to bring the administration to empathetic tears, Moore wrote. “I can understand why that industry’s main recipient of its contributions — President Bush — would want to harass, intimidate and potentially prevent this film from having its widest possible audience.” [Associated Press]
– If smooth jazz singer Ben Gibbard farts in the woods will someone write about it? Hell yes.