A cold open introducing how a Transformer ends up on earth. An extended introduction to a nifty, somewhat nerdy girl into gizmos and gadgets. A fateful path crossing between man and machine of the Autobot variety. An unexpectedly tender bond forms. A collision course with their mechanical foes bent on destruction. A battle where just that ensues.
If that sounds familiar from 2018’s “Bumblebee,” the only film in the “Transformers” series to receive net positive scores from critics and audiences on Rotten Tomatoes, you’d be correct. The same summary also describes the rough contours of its follow-up, “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts.” There are worse ideas than to try running it back. After all, Paramount needs its formerly billion-dollar franchise to regain fighting weight after shrinking to half its box office on the aforementioned spinoff. Like most things in this franchise, however, what works once is rarely replicable.
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“Rise of the Beasts” is at least better than the city-leveling dreck that reached an absolute nadir in director Michael Bay’s final franchise outing, 2017’s “Age of Extinction.” (The film memorably reduced then-Village Voice critic Bilge Ebiri to gobbledygook when attempting to convey “your brain on Transformers.”) Yet that distinction is akin to pole-vaulting over a bar glued to the floor. It’s not something to celebrate as an accomplishment. Try as new director Steven Caple Jr. might to give his film some personality and pizzazz, there’s only so much he can do when forced to execute a script cobbled together by five credited screenwriters.
With “Bumblebee” the lone exception bucking the trend, the series has gotten progressively simpler and sillier as studio executives pander to their idea of broad commercial appeal globally. There’s an inherent tension with two human leads, Anthony Ramos’ hustling Christopher Diaz and Dominique Fishback’s brainy Elena, that are Brooklyn to their bones but bland enough to be marketable anywhere.
This lowest common denominator attitude comes through most noticeably in the dialogue, most of which feels produced by reverse Google Translate. “I cannot believe it, it exists and it is here,” Peter Cullen booms as Optimus Prime upon locating the film’s central object. Transformers are robotic after all, but this dreadful dialogue takes mechanical delivery to a whole other level.
Not that the “Transformers” series ever set the world on fire with its plot machinations, but “Rise of the Beast” just confirms all they have to offer is a mystical McGuffin that sets events in motion to have a big battle. The stakes feel especially low here given that the film takes place in 1994, well before the events of the other films in the main franchise storyline. Clearly, nothing too cataclysmic can occur with the “Transwarp Key” that unlocks the ability to travel across space – and the potential for the Terrorcon leader Scourge (voice of Peter Dinklage) to bring the world-devouring Unicron (voice of Colman Domingo) to Earth.
Caple, against the odds, finds reasons to bother with the story. He does manage to smuggle in some of the swagger of ‘90s hip-hop in line with the film’s backdrop. Some apropos needle drops in key action sequences that feel like a nice change of pace from a thundering score. And especially when the film shifts locations to Peru in search of the missing half of the key, he at least attempts to channel an “Indiana Jones”-like vibe of archeological adventure and intrigue. But the nostalgic energy runs shallow. It’s the hood ornament, not the motor.
This series simply can’t help itself. It’s always going to be clashes of clanging metal at its core; everything else is just rising action that, mercifully, “Rise of the Beasts” caps at two hours. No amount of reaching across the store aisle to bring in new toys from the Hasbro collection, especially not the Maximals that manifest the Transformers’ extraterrestrial lifeform in the body of animals rather than cars, will change that. (The same applies to incorporating other brand extensions, too.) Shiny distractions like the Pete Davidson-voiced Mirage, let off the chain to do a tame PG-rated set of the comedian’s usual schtick, also cannot redeem the inevitable.
After a decade-and-a-half, the “Transformers” franchise should be able to point to improvements stronger than just not introducing women’s legs first. “Rise of the Beasts” proves that Bayhem is still strong within the series. Worse, the parts that linger are not the visual signature of sweaty, sun-streaked bedlam. It’s the noisy, nonsensical insistence that submission to sensory overload should outrank any other storytelling consideration. [C-]
“Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” arrives in theaters on Friday, June 9.
