‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows’ Can’t Escape The Ooze Of Its Cheeseball Tone & Action [Review]

The rebooted “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” franchise is custom-made for those who found producer Michael Bay’s other toy-centric series, “Transformers,” too mature, complex and understated. And in its second go-round (following 2014’s hit), it embraces juvenilia with a gusto that’s apt to further entice kids hooked on its cacophonous CG-ified spirit, immature humor and alienate just about everyone else. A brazenly childish assault on the senses and intellect that expands its roster to include even more popular characters from the series’ animated heyday, ‘Out of the Shadows’ is a weekday-afternoon cartoon brought to belligerently digitized life – one whose assaultive style is epitomized by the 3D sight of a tank shell being fired directly at the audience’s eyes.

Helmed by Dave Green, this sequel follows in the footsteps of its predecessor by aping the aesthetics of producer Bay. Its computerized cinematography spinning and twirling about with gravity-defying abandon, its imagery boasting a lens-flaring sheen and its score a mixture of orchestral bombast and pop hits; ‘Out of the Shadows‘ wholeheartedly duplicates Bay’s trademark sound and fury. The result is that its camera is only stationary when indulging in slow-motion or ogling Megan Fox, here most memorable for strutting through Grand Central in a skimpy Britney Spears-“Hit Me Baby One More Time”-esque get-up. The film’s whirligig visuals are so chaotic that, as in one hectic skirmish between the Turtles and some faceless ninja adversaries, the only coherent sight to emerge from its limb-flailing incoherence is – fittingly – that of a bad guy getting it in the crotch.

Such chaos extends to its story, which is garbled to the point of unintelligibility. ‘Out of the Shadows‘ begins with evil Shredder (Brian Tee) escaping NYPD custody – under the watch of tough-talking cop Casey Jones (“Arrow” star  Stephen Amell) – and striking a deal with a nefarious alien named Krang (voiced by Brad Garrett) who resembles a slimy brain and is attached by tentacles to a giant robot. Krang convinces Shredder to locate the scattered pieces of a teleportation device that will allow him to transport a world-destroying weapon to Manhattan. In return for this help, Krang gifts Shredder some magical ooze – which, like a quick snippet of Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby,” proves a nod to 1991’s “Secret of the Ooze” – that the villain promptly uses to turn doofus biker-punk baddies Bebop (Gary Anthony Williams) and Rocksteady (WWE star Stephen Farrelly) into, respectively, a farting rhino and a nose-picking warthog. They are, quite simply, an intolerable duo, though no less funny than the Turtles themselves, who continue to eat pizza, skate around the city, and generally act like goofy adolescents – all while bemoaning the fact that their steroidal shelled exteriors prevent them from being accepted by the human public at large.

Also factoring into this crowded adventure is Dr. Baxter Stockman (Tyler Perry), a mad genius in league with Shredder whose supposed intellect is contradicted by his reference to Steve Jobs as a great “scientist,” and Rebecca Vincent (Laura Linney), a law enforcement bigwig whose sole purpose is to express disbelief about the supernatural forces at play. Perry and Linney both go through their exaggerated motions like actors interested in cashing some big-studio paychecks, and Will Arnett (as cocky cameraman-turned-celebrity Vern Fenwick) does his best to generate some humor out of situations that are too frantic to accommodate his one-liners. They all slum with relative aplomb, and anyway, their participation is superfluous; they’re merely around to fill in the spaces between the Turtles’ long-form fights against hordes of enemies.

As before, these “heroes in a half shell” look like bulging green goons and speak like dim-witted caricatures of pre-pubescent boys. Their personalities become easier to distinguish as the proceedings progress, but differentiating between clownish Michelangelo (Noel Fisher), gruff Raphael (Alan Ritchson), nerdy Donatello (Jeremy Howard) and noble Leonardo (Pete Ploszek) is of no real consequence, as ‘Out of the Shadows‘ barrels forward like such a rampaging beast that it decimates everything – plot, character, emotion, basic visual lucidity – in its wake. When compounded by gimmicky 3D effects in which objects routinely fly off the screen, the film comes across as a feature-length endurance test for anyone who’s over the age of twelve – and/or who’s outgrown a nostalgic appetite for this particular blend of cheeseball comedy and spastic action. [C-]