Our “proper” review of Michael Bay’s “Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen” will hopefully come tomorrow, but we wanted to bang out some quick thoughts about it.
Word of mouth from the geek constituency is even the herd is finding major problems with its inherent clunkiness. We felt it wasn’t the disaster we were led to believe it was, but it also wasn’t fantastic, even by his lo-fi mega-wattage standards (by that we mean, some of us don’t really expect much from him). Bay obviously has no sense of understatement or balance and clearly wants, no needs to top himself which means, louder, dumber, faster. Of course, that’s a no brainer. The main problem with the “Transformers” sequel is the chasm-gaping logic holes in the plot (is Shia LaBeouf’s character retarded enough to give a robot tchotchke to his girlfriend — the same trinket that just brought Deceptacons to the fore after two years of absence? The same robots that destroy his house and yet he doesn’t even tell Optimus? uhhh, jesus christ). There are more than a few pitiful excuses to start the story engine that even Bay ardent followers are going to cringe at (not to mention some horrible expository dialogue and voice0ver — and again, even bad for Bay standards).
Yeah, storytelling is not what you look to Michael Bay for, but he usually at least puts together a semi-coherent story. This one is perhaps one of the most narratively challenged films this year and at one point, we thought it could possibly challenge “Wolverine,” for being one of the year’s shittiest films, but it really starts to find its own footing in the the third act, when plot is no longer necessary and it’s simply time to bring the rain and blow shit up real good (and showing off the glistening sweat of Megan Fox body at every opportunity). Say what you will about he’s an artist when it comes to over-the-top hellfire, even if it is largely ridiculous and often laughable. The U.S military thinks this man is god, there’s no doubt about it. There are parts to enjoy: the spectacle, the unintentional laughs are still laughs and.. uhh…, ok, that’s it.
But the spirit of Steven Spielberg (present in “Transformers” the original, via a exec-producer, as he shepherded this project to Bay) is nowhere to be seen here and this unchecked, and unfiltered excess enthusiast seems to have anticipated Roland Emmerich’s “2012” ejaculatory slathering of destruction porn.
The film that this seems to resemble the most is “Pearl Harbor,” especially in the hilarious histrionics. “Transformers” was decent Cinemax fodder, dumb fun with marginal escapist value, we get that. But overkill gets the best of Bay. “Revenge Of the Fallen” is far too long (two and a half hours), overwrought (climax open climax with too many robots), minstrely (racist as all get out, that’s a whole other story) and cartoonish in its humor and even self-important in how grand it thinks it is. Bay is the King of boorishly loud, visual exhibitionism but this sequel is seriously far emptier and less enjoyable than the average film he delivers and that’s really the bottom line.
But if everyone hates it, every blogger, critic, geek writer, etc. Does it even matter? Aren’t Michael Bay summer tentpoles bulletproof? Ok, so maybe this is sort of a review, but another Playlist member will get in more depth tomorrow. Who knows, maybe he’ll like it. Oh yeah. Worst use of music of the year? The godawful incessant lighter-anthem rock (Nickelback, etc.) that permeates the worst half? Oh, hell yes.
So yeah, we didn’t hate it, but it’s not good by any stretch of the imagination. Also, Roger Ebert is right when he says, is “a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. The plot is incomprehensible. The dialog of the Autobots, Deceptibots and Otherbots is meaningless word flap.” Funny stuff and all true. BTW, that’s a C-ish grade, we just knocked out some thoughts.
Two and a half hours?! Why can't we get the 2 hour version with no dialogue? It'd be a solid, taught two hours of tits and explosions.
That length says that Paramount should have locked out Bay out of the editing room.
Also, shouldn't you be talking about people should see The Hurt Locker instead?
I wish this review had been a little more..angry and contemptuous. Eberts an old man, and he still has fire in his belly! The nimrods on aicn are taking this movie apart. Alex is right, a vote for Bigelow instead of Bay is a vote for a better future!
from Walter Chaw…
"the ugliest, most hateful, most simple-minded and incomprehensible assault on art and decency since the last Michael Bay movie."
"It's ignorant, boorish, loud, and proud of it."
"The problem with Bay is that he hates you. He thinks you're a moron and then you go about proving him right by making his movies obscenely popular. He also hates the Transformers as a cultural relic, having them fart and piss and shit and, in a fairly embarrassing moment in an embarrassing film, sport a pair of giant testicles."
http://filmfreakcentral.net/screenreviews/transformers2.htm
Wish I knew what The Hurt Locker had to do with Tranformers. I didn't get the memo where the readers assigned me a comparative piece.
@Tristan. I'm angry when I'm genuinely angry and as much as Tranformers is an mess (I wish I would I looked at my notes last night where i called the first half an "incomphrensible mess," but that's what the Ebert add was for), I'd be straight up lying if I said it boiled my blood.
It's dumb and dumber, for sure, but what Bay film isn't? The geeks are raging with anger, but i think it's out of major disappointment? I wasn't expecting much. It's a C, C+ to be honest and not as bad as Terminator or Wolverine (though it's in the weak ballpark of Terminator, Wolvie is a straight-up F).
Have either of you even seen The Hurt Locker? Yeah, it's obviously far better, but what's the point in comparing?
Our review hits tmw or maybe you guys missed it when I called it, "The First Great Film of the year" in March.
I think Bay actually loves the shit out of Transformers because it allows him to destroy things on a colossally huge scale.
He had a blast making it. The balls and racist shit is him having a rollicking good time. Of course it's coarse as shit and its vulgar, but that's Bay.
I ain't getting mad about something I'm not mad about. As stupid as much of it is, it doesn't produce outrage because the vulgarity is so ludicrous its marginally amusing on a sick level.
But yeah, people are correct that it's a clumsily crafted oafishness.
The connection is that they both open the same weekend.
Transformer fans, let us pray !!!