Trade news is as light as a feather today, cause these publications are highly aware that you’re probably hung over, happy and reading the New York Times instead of movie news. So yeah, most of the news from Variety and The Hollywood Reporter are more inconsequential than usual, almost laughably so. It’s like half these stories were written weeks ago, filed to an editor and that person thought, “Ugh, look at this ham, we’ll save it for the slow, post-Election day.” Without further ado, things you don’t give a rat’s ass about. Why are we posting them? Cause we’re tired and it’s easy.
Jerry Bruckheimer says George Clooney won’t be playing the Lone Ranger in the upcoming “The Lone Ranger” film in which Johnny Depp will play Tonto (yeah, like we ever believed that rumor). Also the fourth “Pirates of the Caribbean” Mcfilm might be shot in Imax with extra nacho cheese. Congratulations? [/Film]
Speaking of Pirates, has Russell Brand been paid five million pounds to play Depp’s brother in ‘Caribbean 4’? Do you even care? It’s the U.K. press, believe the report at your own risk. [DailyMail]
“Comedian” (and we use that term as lightly as possible) Rob Schneider is apparently still allowed to appear in movies. The ‘Deuce Bigelow’ star will appear in th sex comedy “Virgin on Bourbon Street.” In his meager defense, he wasn’t terrible in “You Don’t Mess With Zohan,” which we still contend was plenty of silly fun and the most watchable Adam Sandler film since, “Happy Gilmore.” [Variety]
There’s a trailer for “Monsters & Aliens.” Eh. Would be cute… if we were six. [TrailerAddict]
Anna Faris in a horror/comedy called, “Burn Off” to be possibly directed by Rob Zombie? If it had edge Zombie would be interested and it sounds like trite fluff that he wouldn’t touch if his life depended on it. [Cinemablend]
It’s about time, Chatroom: The Movie! J-Horror director Hideo Nakata continues to be lured by the U.S. market. Instead of making solid Japanese horrors, he’s making another Stateside pic called “Chatroom,” about a psychological thriller about teenagers who encourage each other’s destructive behavior. Will it star Sarah Michelle Gellar? Survey says: very probable. [Variety]
However, when someone notable dies, you have to write about it. Obits never sleep. Michael Crichton is dead. We’re sorry for his family and loved ones, but not sorry to hear there won’t be further movies for Hollywood to destroy. [THR]
Jackie Chan is still alive and acting. Who knew? [Variety]
Some “Transformers” message board apparently has blog details of Michael Bay’s sequel based on toys. [TWF2005]
This is just too rich. “I was too busy running through the streets of Harlem yelling ‘Kill whitey!’ That’s almost as good as liberal white educated people dancing to Jay-Z after Obama was declared the victor. [Filmdrunk]
