Saturday, November 9, 2024

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Internet Hero Unveils ‘G.I. Joe’ Sequel Script, Website Cowers In Its Presence

The boys at Film Drunk are laughing over a “scoop” sent to them from an anonymous reader who claims to have swiped the “G.I. Joe” sequel script, codenamed (?) “Twin Parallax” (??), in order to make sure that Hollywood stops making inferior product. Quite the champion for good taste, this man is. From his e-mail:

“I’d like the next Joe movie to be MUCH better than the last, and maybe if this story gets out now, it will force them to change some of the weaker elements for the better. My friend will probably kill me for this, but I’m tired of Hollywood making inferior products based on beloved franchises who aren’t given the proper respect. Obviously this isn’t the final draft, the producers have said as much in recent days, but I’m guessing this is the draft he was reading from in that interview.”

Well isn’t that some cloak and dagger shit? The script, penned by Rhett Rheese and Paul Wernick (“Zombieland”) is said to still be undergoing revisions for a 2012 release so that the writing duo can preserve the integrity of one of this spy’s “beloved franchises.” Oh, how will we live without the “G.I. Joe” franchise not being given the proper respect? Clearly instead of Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans and Brendan Fraser, it should be Daniel Day Lewis, Delroy Lindo and Jon Hamm.

Sadly, that’s all the news we have to report, as litigation-fearing Film Drunk makes a passive-aggressive promise to read the script and to report back “as the story develops.” We’re guessing someone is just praying for a personal phone call from Lorenzo di Bonaventura, or maybe some Sienna Miller nudes, to silence his daring journalism, that which threatens to (half-heartedly) take down the massive Yo Joe empire! In all seriousness, guys, don’t bother. A script review of an unfinished “G.I. Joe” sequel is about as valuable as a VHS of “Sphere,” which we’d be happy to send you in return for the script. Or, really, just for free.

Update: Looks like it was a hoax and worth laughing at. Rhett Rheese claims this is BS.
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