In Theaters: ‘New Moon,’ ‘The Blind Side,’ ‘Bad Lieutenent: Port of Call New Orleans’

There’s a little something for everyone opening wide this week — unless you actually like good movies, that is. But don’t fret, there are some very interesting options opening limited this week including new films from a couple of our favorite all-time directors. Whatever you fancy, this will be a huge weekend at the box office. With “New Moon” occupying all the brainpower of the country’s teenage girl population, maybe you’ll actually be able to sit through a movie without any incessant giggling and texting this weekend.

In Wide Release: Beating out “Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith” as the top advance ticket seller of all time, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” hits over 4,000 screens today. Opening a year after the first film in the series, the sequel looks to be an ever bigger smash as the cult of “Twilight” keeps increasing. Directed by Chris Weitz (“The Golden Compass”) “New Moon” is the story of hormone-addled teenage girls and the vampires they love. I think we saw a really buff, young werewolf in the trailer too, although we weren’t paying much attention. We reviewed the movie just yesterday and predictably weren’t impressed (it stinks), but we know that’s not going to keep you away if you want to see this thing. Not that it matters in the slightest, but if you must know, the movie has a dismal 29% rating from Rotten Tomatoes and a 45 score from Metacritic.

If you watch football at all on Sundays, chances are you’ve seen the trailer for “The Blind Side” at least three dozen times. The true story of a homeless young man adopted by a well-to-do family and the challenges they face adapted to each other’s very different perspectives. Oh, and the kid grows up to become an All-American offensive tackle and first-round NFL draft pick. Sandra Bullock stars, in what feels like her 1000th film this year, alongside Tim McGraw and Quinton Aaron. Director John Lee Hancock is in familiar territory here, having previously directed uplifting sports films such as “The Express” and “The Rookie.” A family-themed inspirational drama like this should do quite well this holiday week and re-emphasize Bullock’s status as a huge draw (“All About Steve” notwithstanding). The film has a pretty decent 65% rating from RT and a 49 score from Metacritic.

Finally, for the kiddies too young for “New Moon” is Sony Pictures’ animated “Planet 51.” The story of an American astronaut who lands on Planet 51, finding it happily inhabited by green people in a world reminiscent of innocent 1950s America. Directed by Jorge Blanco and produced by Madrid-based Ilion Animation Studios, the film’s voice talent includes Dwayne Johnson, Jessica Biel, Sean William Scott, Gary Oldman, and John Cleese. We have to admit to being pretty turned off by the Shrek-looking aliens featured in the film and would happily get a second dose of “Fantastic Mr. Fox” for our animation kicks this weekend. Actually a first dose for most people as “Fantastic Fox” actually opens up wide this weekend. “Planet 51” currently has an awful 19% rating from Rotten Tomatoes and a 40 score from Metacritic.

In Limited Release: Your willingness to celebrate the ecstatic absurdity of a Werner Herzog/Nic Cage collaboration is put to the test this weekend with the highly-anticipated “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.” We’ve been following the film since inception, as Herzog is consistently interesting and the stories of his films are sometimes more entertaining than the finished product. Cage stars as drug-addled New Orleans cop trying to stay afloat amid the city’s ruthless underbelly. Plot points don’t really matter much when you’ve got Herzog willfully encouraging Cage to go even more over the top than normal and a cast that also includes Val Kilmer, Eva Mendes, and Xzibit. We saw the movie in Toronto a couple months back, and found it satisfying as a comic oddity, but those looking for a fully-realized Herzog picture should rightfully be disappointed. The film is opening on 27 screens this weekend, so if you have any interest at all, go support the picture and help it expand. The populist RT shows the film with an excellent 89% rating, meanwhile the more critical-faculties aware Metacritic gives it a more reasonable score of 69.

One of the most consistently brilliant and enjoyable filmmakers of the past couple decades, Pedro Almodovar returns this weekend with “Broken Embraces.” The film reunites him with his recent muse, Penelope Cruz in a four-way tale of dangerous love, shot in the style of a hard-boiled 1950s American noir. We saw the film at Cannes, calling it largely competent but ultimately soulless, yet still rife with the expected convoluted secrets and plot twists. While it may not be anywhere close to his best work, Almodovar is one of the greatest living filmmakers on the planet and his minor work is way more interesting and exciting than 99% of what you’ll find at the multiplexes. It’s stylish, sexy and memorable. Alongside Cruz, the cast includes Lluis Homer, Lola Duenas and the great Blanco Portillo. Rotten Tomatoes rates the film at 81%, while Metacritic has a score of 69.

Swedish filmmaker Lukas Moodysson (“Lilya-4-Ever”) sees his film “Mammoth” opening on a few screens this weekend. The film premiered at the Berlin Film Festival ages ago to fairly mediocre reviews and we were wondering if it would ever show up on these shores. Starring a couple of our favorite young actors, Michelle Williams and Gael Garcia Bernal, it is the story of a successful New York couple whose lives become divided as one travels to Thailand for extended business. Much has been written comparing the film to a less-melodramatic “Babel” and indeed both films star Bernal. Despite the mixed notices, we’re fans of all the talent involved here and can’t wait to check it out for ourselves. RT tracks the film with a 55% rating, Metacritic a 50 score.

John Woo returns to the East for his first film since 2003’s awful “Paycheck,” with the historical epic “Red Cliff.” The film has been released in other parts of the world as two separate movies, much like “Che,” but the US release is a single 148 minute experience. The most expensive Asian production of all time, “Red Cliff” stars the great Tony Leung as war hero Zhou Yu who finds his army vastly outnumbered against that of the Han Dynasty in 280 A.D. China. Takeshi Kaneshiro, Chang Chen, Zhao Wei, and Hu Jun also star in what looks like a big return to form for Woo and something we’d definitely like to catch on the big screen. Rotten Tomatoes gives it a rating of 87% and and Metacritic a 75 score.

Ethan Hawke, Vincent D’Orofino and Seymour Cassel star in “Staten Island” the directorial debut from James DeMonaco, scribe of “The Negotiator” and the “Assault on Precinct 13” remake. The Luc Besson co-produced indie drama follows three New Yorkers whose lives somehow intersect, presumably in the most beloved of all boroughs. Rotten Tomatoes only has 3 reviews up, but they aren’t looking pretty and Metacritic doesn’t even have a listing.

Also opening in limited release is “The Missing Person” starring Michael Shannon and Amy Ryan. Those two actors alone are enough to get us interested, so we hope to get a look at the “existential noir” sometime soon. It came and went at a few festivals earlier this year without much fanfare, so we’re not holding our breath on this one. RT gives it a rating of 38% with a Metacritic score of 47.