Monday, November 18, 2024

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If ‘Sherlock Holmes’ Go-Go Taquitos Don’t Make You Sick, The Movie Will

Warner Brothers’ franchise hopeful, and Guy Ritchie ego-boost project “Sherlock Holmes” is throwing everything in the pot to reach the biggest audience possible. Do you like taquitos? Well, head over to your nearest 7-11 and snag one while trying to figure out what an English detective has to do with spicy Mexican food. Tired of going to the movies only to have your seat stay in one place for ninety minutes? Well, the good folks behind “Sherlock Holmes” have a fix for that too.

A select ten theaters across North America will give viewers the unique pleasure of trying to hold onto their tub of popcorn and carton of soda while Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law sashay across the screen. Powered by D-Box technology (no, it doesn’t stand for dick-in-a-box, get your head out of the gutter), seats in these theaters will move simultaneously with onscreen action, but don’t worry, while Sherlock and Watson throw veiled homoerotic come-ons to each other, your seat will stay in one place.

We’ve experienced similar “feel-the-movie” technology in the past and we found it more distracting than anything else. We’re still enduring have to wear 3D glasses for some films, the idea of a trip to the theater turning into a rollercoaster ride isn’t that appealing. Whatever happened to just sitting your ass down in a seat and watching a movie? Well, we’re sure this appeals to some segment of the population but we feel sorry for whoever is sitting beside the guy in the vibrating seat who had too many Milk Duds.

“Sherlock Holmes” opens on Christmas Day.

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