Heavy Drug Use, Escort Abuse And Now ‘The Expendables 2’ & ‘Major League IV’ For Charlie Sheen

Your screenplay isn’t selling. You aren’t scoring acting auditions anymore and your singing voice is being booed at the local bar and grill. Is there any way you can finally score a working job in Hollywood? Well, have you tried attacking an escort lately? You haven’t? Well, clearly some of us are making $25-30 million a year working on a shitty sitcom, and some of us aren’t.

“Two And A Half Men” star Charlie Sheen has certainly been down lately, if you believe the tabloid stories of his hotel trashing and catch-all drug abuse. But Hollywood protects its own (as long as they are white males!), and according to a (dubious-seeming) report at What’s Playing, Sheen’s got two large projects lined up.

Sheen’s going to count on his friends for help, starting with “The Expendables 2.” Sylvester Stallone is interested in adding him to the lineup for the sequel to play a “washed-up-but-useful CIA type,” which seems like a discarded idea from the first draft of “The Expendables.” There was also a female CIA agent in that script, believed to be the role earmarked for Sandra Bullock, but she probably lacks the escort-smacking skills necessary for the part.

The website also claims Sheen is in line to reprise his role as Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn in “Major League IV,” shooting next summer during his sitcom/hooker-beating hiatus. We reported on this before, but nothing’s been heard since June. Having Sheen and Tom Berenger aboard does imply a quick direct-to-DVD shoot, so it doesn’t seem implausible. Sheen’s also scheduled for a western called “Guns of the Dead” with grating British personality Danny Dyer while simultaneously speedballin’ his way through season 25 of “Two And A Half Men.”