We try not to be cynical. We try not to let the continual spate of comic book adaptations, board game movies and tired remakes get us down. We try to resist the urge to sit in our garage with the engine running when "Transformers: The Dark Of The Moon" and "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" make a billion dollars apiece. We try to convince ourselves that no one sets out to make a bad movie. We try to let the handful of great films that come out of the studio system every year prevent us from heading down to Mann's Chinese Theater and setting ourselves on fire outside the premiere of "Battleship." We try.
But Paramount just broke us. Variety report that the company's low-budget Insurge label, who had a hit in January with "The Devil Inside," are developing a feature based around the YouTube video "Ultimate Dog Tease." You know the one. The clip of a man telling his dog that he's given food to the cat, with a voiceover given to the dog. Your mom probably forwarded it onto you at some point. 94,000,000 and counting have watched it since it was uploaded last year by Andrew Grantham, who added the voice to footage submitted by friends of his.
And we've got nothing against Grantham. He put up something he thought would be funny, it became a phenomenon, and he's been given the chance to cash in. Good for him. But don't expect us to give a shit about this movie penned by "Eurotrip" writers Alec Berg and David Mandel. Ah fuck it, we're off to apply for a job at Yachting Magazine.
Hey Hollywood, I've got some good ideas too. 1.) Base a movie off of the song "Friday" by Rebecca Black. 2.) Rock, Paper, Scissors the Movie (about a deadly game of Rock, Paper, Scissors) 3. Barbie the movie 4. Bratz the movie (IS that a reboot? I think it is.) 5. Bratz versus Barbie versus GI Joe versus Predators 5. Another Spiderman reboot 6. A movie based off of an Ipod called "Shuffle." 7. Insert Brand Name Here: The Movie 8. Another Spiderman reboot 9.) A movie based off of "Ceiling Cat" or "Chemistry Cat" or maybe just make a movie called "Caturday" or "I Can Has Happy Cats" or something about cats being cute and working in professions and talking in that internet cat talk 10. Harry Potter versus Lord of the Rings versus Star Wars versus Twilight versus Batman 11. Another Spiderman reboot
I would like my check of five million dollars for just making your asses over two billion dollars.
Awesome news, Nolan should direct.
"Don't expect us to give a shit," they wrote, as they typed up the article about the movie and then posted it on their website.