George Lucas is worth, roughly, $3 billion. Between the takings of the original trilogy, and its 1997 re-release, the three prequels, the TV-spin offs, the video games, the novels, the comic books, the toys, the lunchboxes and the pillowcases, it’s fair to say he has a steady income coming in. So luckily, Lucas is able to sit back on focus on that groundbreaking indie cinema he’s been talking up for thirty years, his real passion projects, right?
Not so much, no. While the long-delayed “Red Tails” World War Two project is awaiting release some time next year, Lucas is going back to the dry-as-a-bone “Star Wars” well, and is set to re-release all six films in theaters in 3D. Starting with “The Phantom Menace” in 2012, one will be released at the same time (January/February/March) every year, ending with “Return of the Jedi” in 2017 (although this may be sped up if the box-office takings disappoint).
Supposedly, each conversion takes a year to complete, with Lucas personally supervising the process, leaving him plenty of time to make those difficult art movies. Once the process is complete, it’ll serve “as a lead-in to the ultimate home viewing experience.” At this point, of course, Lucas will be 73 years old, and that much closer to the grave, at which point, he will obviously be able to take all his money to whichever afterlife awaits him.
Of course, it’s not just his fault, it’s probably yours as well. While the fervent Star Wars fanbase has thinned over the years, thanks to the shoddy, unnecessary prequels, and the general disdain with which Lucas seems to treat his fans, there’s still an audience for this — indeed, when “The Phantom Menace” hits, there’ll be seven-year-olds who weren’t even born when “Revenge of the Sith” hit theaters. And doesn’t every generation deserve to sit through a series of joyless, lifeless, faintly racist prequels revolving around trade embargoes and senate votes before they can get to the good stuff?
Fox will be releasing the films annually from 2012. We’re already preparing a detailed academic paper on the self-loathing psychological make-up of people who would choose to pay money to sit through the prequels again. [Heat Vision]
Really funny article! However, I'd be up for a Star Wars Holiday Special 3D conversion. Art Carney and Beatrice Arthur in 3D would look stunning.
Best article on the site in ages. lol.
Finding time to see all six of them in a theater at one time would be a bit much, but seeing one per year is perfectly fine. First of all, it will have been 15 years since these things were in theaters in any form, so it's not like he's milking the cow every couple years. Second of all, and this is a biggie, Lucas recently signed that pledge amongst billionaires to give half their estates to charity. So a ticket for Phantom Menace 3D is a partially charitable donation to whatever foundation Lucas bestows his billions (probably education-related).
Yeah, the foundation will probably be The George Lucas Foundation Of Jedi Education And Greedo Shoots First
Seriously just don't go. Don't bring your kids, your nieces your nephews, don't give that freaky necked asshole another penny. And yes I will have to fight an almighty urge to see Empires, but I am strong and I only have to think of the words "is she an angel?" and it will keep me grounded.
Nice piece, I love a good trade embargo storyline.
love this article. It's just a shame that nothing about Star Wars can ruin the childhoods of my nieces and nephews the way Phantom Menace did for my generation. Here's hoping JK Rowling reteams with Chris Columbus in 2020 to shoot seventeen really boring Potter prequels featuring Voldemort's parents and their wacky CG Indian butler, Har Har and… no, still not even close, dammit.
HILARIOUS.
I canto wait to see the prequels, I am young and I think they are a way better than the old ones. I like em all, but my favorites are the Episodes I-III and the clone wars XD