Though It Has Good Intentions ‘Once Upon A Deadpool’ Sadly Neuters The Foul-Mouthed Hero [Review]

I’m not an executive at Fox. So far as I’ve known, I’ve never been in charge of the studio’s creative decisions. But if I had to harbor a guess, I’ve got a hunch as to why theaters around the world got a chance to see “Once Upon A Deadpool,” the PG-13, Christmas-friendly remix of “Deadpool 2,” in theaters recently, right in the dead heat of a contentious awards season. The most cynical part of me has to assume it’s about money. It’s always about money, isn’t it? But also, there’s that small question that seems to be lingering around the franchise, in response to the Disney/Fox merger – can Deadpool work in the PG-13 space?

Enter “Once Upon a Deadpool.”

Playing up his storybook structure format from “The Princess Bride,” actor Fred Savage is once again in bed, being told a bedtime story. Only this time, it’s against his will, since Deadpool has him tied to the bed and forced to be in a room and wear an attire that he hasn’t worn in a good 30 years. It’s a funny idea, to be sure. And Deadpool has a lot of fun playing up the meta angle. But the execution of these sequences, which run approximately 20 minutes, is amusing at best. Honestly, this new footage doesn’t really warrant anyone going out of their way to see the movie once again.

It’s a word I dread, but it fits in this scenario. These sequences are “cute,” but they are disposable. They start the movie in fine fashion, getting the PG-13’s censored goofiness in order. But they also feel forced and half-hearted, caked in irony and winking nods but not a lot of cleverness or wit. I don’t know who wrote these substitute segments, but they feel like a studio head. Particularly as they substitute for the original opening for “Deadpool 2,” which involved bloodshed and Dolly Parton and became the best part of an otherwise mixed-bag sequel.

And that’s the thing. “Once Upon a Deadpool” is a cute and amusing idea on paper, but when you are actually watching it, you feel like you are being suckered. Roughly, 75-80 percent of “Once Upon A Deadpool” is basically “Deadpool 2” but weaker, less efficient, less funny or quippy, and with its edges sanded off. And weirdly enough, besides a scene or two, where Deadpool bleeps Savage, “Once Upon a Deadpool” doesn’t even have fun with its rating. Jokes are ADR-ed differently, but they aren’t made funnier. The nudity is blurred, but it is made less funny that way. And the violence is mostly the same without the CGI-enhanced bloodshed, which makes the action sequences look unfinished after you watched “Deadpool 2” months earlier.

If nothing else, “Once Upon A Deadpool” is an interesting dissection into what constitutes as PG-13 appropriate and what can only be seen in an R rated film. There are several gags I felt were going to be edited out of the film (including one involving old men and whistles, along with several others involving suicide) that remained in this PG-13 cut. And some action beats are exactly the same as they were in the original R-rated cut, except the CG blood is cut out entirely.

Which raises the question: Will the future of Disney mirror this decision? With January ringing in the year of Disney’s takeover of Fox, are they going to look at the box office for “Once Upon a Deadpool” and think: this is the way to go. Will Deadpool remains PG-13 friendly? Hopefully not. If this movie is a proper indication, the Merc with a Mouth should keep the mouth filthy. Deadpool might be tedious at times with its R-rated antics, but it’s not tedious like it is at PG-13.

But if, say, “X-Force” decides to be butchered down to PG-13 under the Mouse House’s rule, then it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, either. Deadpool’s antics restrained at PG-13 are not too entirely different than they are at R, and if the character becomes more of a supporting one in the years to come, then it’s possible to keep the movie PG-13 if the character is kept in check.

So, if nothing else, “Once Upon a Deadpool” is an experiment that’s interesting in theory, but it doesn’t prove fruitful in terms of execution. But it should be noted, Ryan Reynolds only decided to make this cut in the hopes that a portion of the profits go to charity, which is certainly admirable. Overall, if even a handful of people decided to see the film, then it did some good. And I can’t complain about that. Though if you are expecting Deadpool to live up to his usual zany heights while trapped under this PG-13 rating, then you’re pretty much … you know. [C]