Thursday, June 5, 2025

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And The Oscar For Best Picture Goes To ‘Furious 7,’ According To Vin Diesel

One of the many things debated annually around the Oscars is that the highfalutin’ Academy never deigns to acknowledge blockbusters, even though they are like, super cool and totally fun and the best movies ever. And for “Furious 7” star Vin Diesel, he’s putting it all on the line: his upcoming “Fast & Furious” movie will win some serious awards hardware, or else it just proves that the Academy is nothing but a bunch of no fun olds.

“Universal is going to have the biggest movie in history with this movie. It will probably win best picture at the Oscars, unless the Oscars don’t want to be relevant ever,” Diesel told Variety. Then he doubled down on what he just said, just in case you thought he was speaking off the cuff.

“This will win best picture. There is nothing that will ever come close to the power of this thing,” he said, presumably as the walls of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences trembled.

So there you go, the race is over. “Furious 7” wins it all, unless you want to be totally out of touch with the zeitgeist, loser. Now go slam a Red Bull, crush the can on your head, and drive your muscle car into a jumbo jet so you can parachute to work.

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3 COMMENTS

  1. LOL. man, i gave up hope kevin & co. would turn a new leaf and actually write posts worth reading a while back. now i just look at the pretty pictures and revel in the fact that an old writer for this site is now in prison for solicitation of a minor. so much fail here it\’s nearly unfathomable.

  2. Have you guys hired back GabToro? This seems like an article written by that fool. Or Kevin after he lost it all once he sold out to Indiewire. Wait.

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