It starts with Adam Sandler lying poolside, reading the trade, a eureka moment starts and he picks up his gold-crusted water-proof cell phone and dials up Kevin James. The conversation probably goes like this:
Sandler: Jamesy! ‘Blart’ You’re huge!
James: Sandman! Man, see those numbers? I had no clue people would connect with that crap. We wrote that thing in two weeks and I friggin’ just goofed off and phone it in!
Sandler: Middle America, baby! They looooove you! Ahhhhh!
James: Miiiiiiddddlllleeeeee AAaaaaamerica!, WOO! In your face Osama Bin laden! So what’s up?
Sandler: You’re money. I’m calling Spader and Robbo and we’re gonna make a huge fucking movie! [aside, violent outburst] Janis, take that diaper off your brothers head, now!
James: Call, Chris.
Sandler: The Rock?
James: The Rock [click]
So now that Kevin James is huge, Adam Sandler still rakes in at the box-office and Chris Rock is still at least a house-hold name, the trio are taking their also-ran buddies Rob Schneider and David Spade for an untitled Columbia Pictures comedy according to Variety. Written by Sandler and Fred Wolf (the award-winning, “Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star”), the picture’s about five high-school best friends reuniting 30 years later for a Fourth of July weekend. As long as it’s funnier than “Wild Hogs” we’ll all be happy (though that’s not saying a lot). This could be either awesome or terrible, but as much as we did sorta love, “You Don’t Mess With Zohan,” which had a much better writing team (Triumph The Insult Dog for one), we’ve got to put this one in the “probably terrible” column. Even Rock does amazing stand-up (which you must witness live), but he hasn’t made a good film in… ever? And as for the other two also-rans, well, you know all about their cinema careers.
This will be worse than “Brett Ratner’s Youngblood.”
Spade is just awful.