1. Scotty’s Plumbing Mishap – When Scotty (Simon Pegg) and Kirk (Chris Pine) finally get beamed aboard the Enterprise, they wind up in a mechanical bay. Kirk lands safely on dry land while Scotty gets trapped in some plumbing. While you’ve got to respect the attempt to up the stakes and add some tension in an intoxicatingly Zemeckisian way, it comes off as awkward and jokey. And anything that reminds us of “Men in Black II” is a bad, bad thing.
2. Spock in the Cave of Coincidence – Aside from shoehorning Leonard Nimoy’s from-the-future Spock into the plot (which frankly was unnecessary, just do a friggin’ normal prequel), easily the most glaring issue and illogical bit of narrative silliness (and this comes after the “Men In Black”-like cockroach-monster chase) occurs when Kirk just so happens to be banished to a random planet by Spock (Zachary Quinto) and hides out in the same cave that future-Spock (Nimoy) is taking refuge in. And this is after Abrams goes out of his way to show us how expansive the snowy landscape the planet is. It’s a ludicrous narrative lapse (to put it nicely) that could have been avoided.
3. Tyler Perry’s Cameo – While not a narrative lapse or silly plot point, the decision to hire Madea to play an imposing Starfleet official was still a distracting and unnecessary one. And to have him pop up twice, in two key scenes, well, if it’s enough to make you flail wildly with hoary African American clichés.
4. My Mom Winona – We’re still baffled as to why Abrams hired Winona Ryder, a fine actress for sure, to play Zachary Quinto’s mom. (She’s three years older.) Did he remember the unconvincing old woman makeup they caked her in for “Edward Scissorhands” and said, “Gee, my movie could use some of that!” There are plenty of wonderful older actresses he could have gotten to play that part or, barring that, Tyler Perry in old woman drag?
5. Red Matter Matters – What, exactly, is the “red matter?” Is it ever really explained? Did Old Man Spock just have a surplus of this gunk lying around for deep space calamities or what? And if you only need a tiny, tiny drop, why do you have to have that massive ball of it? And did anyone else have flashbacks to the giant red ball in Abrams’ television series “Alias?” (One that, in the third season, turned people into zombie-like killers.) No? Just us? Okay (actually, yes).
6. The Slime-Green Orion Slave Girl – Despite many claiming it was clothing-challenged actress/model Diora Baird who played Gaila, Orion slave girl/green alien woman that Kirk (Pine woos) at the beginning of the film, it turns out it was Rachel Nichols, who plays Scarlett in the upcoming ‘G.I. Joe’ movie (though apparently there’s a glimpse of Baird elsewhere). Wait, that’s not the problem. Remember the Orion slave girl/green alien girl that William Shatner wooed in the “Star Trek” TV series? Well, apparently it’s supposed to be either the same girl, or more likely the same species (nerds would obviously know) and perhaps it’s simply just a clever nod to the series and Kirk’s sexual proclivities (he evidently likes aliens of a verdant green shade). None of that however, is the problem. The big issue, is the Orion slave girl from J.J. Abrams films looks just as laughable and unbelievable as the one from the 1960s TV series. Apparently make-up hasn’t evolved in almost 50 years in the here and now. It’s meant to be a moment of comic relief, sure, but it’s not meant to take you totally out of the picture or make you snort Diet-Pepsi out of your nose in the theaters either. She looks ridiculous. Is such a concession to the fans worth it?
7.- Scotty’s Sidekick Monster – Let’s forget for a second the absurd notion that Spock from the future (Nimoy) teaches Scotty (Simon Pegg) the secrets to the “transwarp transportation” technology — whichs allow people to be beamed aboard instellar-moving objects (like the Enterprise) — before he actually invents it (therefore totally changing the history of time in this Universe). Geez, there’s a doozy. But what the fuck is that furry little critter by Scotty’s side the whole time that did a whole lot of nothing, but grunt and or jump up and down (in excitement?) Ewok meets Jar Jar Binks much? Guys, comic relief doesn’t have to be this silly does it?
8. Spock’s Bro-down Advice Chat With Spock – Turns out future Spock (Nimoy) is a big fancy liar and despite being “emotionless” has a real sense of mischievous humor. At the beginning of the picture he tells Kirk (Pine) that he must induce a fight with Spock (Quinto) so the Vulcan can lash out, be seen as unfit for duty and then Kirk can take over and kick ass. He also warns Kirk that he cannot let young Spock (Quinto) know that crusty old Spock (Nimoy) is roaming around this universe, because if he knows or they meet, the very fabric of the space time continuum will implode and eat itself (or something like that anyhow). Turns out none of this is true and Spock was just trying to bond Kirk and Spock (Quinto) by letting them kick the shit out of each other and teach his younger self to trust his emotions. During this expository monologue, painful in of itself, Spock also drops his stentorian Vulcan demeanor and basically speaks in a relaxed human tone that basically advises his younger self, “chill out, dude.” Awful.
9. Everything That Comes Out Of Eric Bana’s Mouth – A mediocre villain, with dubious motivations, played by an actor we normally love who just plays the Romulan like a snarling goofy oaf, with a huge chip on his shoulder. What can he do, the character was sorely underwritten. It’s amazing to think that the main villain of the film is terribly weak and yet, again, the film, against all odds on paper, succeeds winningly. It’s not like we checked our brains at the door either. Gotta give it up to J.J. for a film full of little problems that still amounts to a sizable win. And we don’t give out geek plaudits easily, obviously.
0k, fine, 10. The new/old Enterprise is essentially a sleek-white advertisement for Apple? Didn’t know Steve Jobs partly co-funded this one. – co-written with Drew Taylor.
tyler perry is the worst thing in the movie. you would think abrams would have better judgement. everyone in the theatre just laughed when he came on screen.
I second all of these mentions, but would have listed the Cave of Coincidence as numero uno. As if the monster chase that preceded it wasn’t silly enough, suddenly a man with a torch appears from offscreen to scare it off. Pluuuese! How the hell long was he there anyway?
I also would’ve listed the ballooning hand gag during what should’ve been a tense scene too silly for my taste. As well as The Beastie Boys probably being the first musical artist to be soundtracked on a Star Trek film.
ah, yes the hand thing. Good one, shoulda mentioned beforehand.
Well I didn’t see it until late last night. I thought it was enjoyable, but nowhere near what the reviews are making it out to be. I wouldn’t call it the Iron Man of this season either…I’m hoping another film might be more fitting for that title, but everything could end up sucking.
I think people are calling it the Iron Man of this year, because they’re the first summer tentpoles of the year that were decent (and yes, they ARE the first, though conceivably Watchmen is a summer tentpole release in March).
But yeah, it wasn’t as good as Iron Man, but as far as these things go it wasn’t a waste of time either which is a rarity.
Really enjoyed it, but was pulled out a bit by the Romulan ship, or should I say "The Ship That Health & Safety Forgot". Honestly, it's a wonder Nero has any crew left, forcing them to totter across those ludicrous walkways. They can't spring for a guard-rail?
@Mr A. P. Salmond, esq.
lol
The Winona Ryder casting has connection to Star Trek VI. In this film she played Spock’s secret lover. Therefore Spock has some freudian issues as he would fall in love with somebody who looks like his Mother and in real life be played by the same actress!?!?? Okay….
Oh it was Kym Cattrall not Winona Ryder. Boy do I feel stupid. Okay, let’s just go back to that cave…
How about the Enterprise sneaking up on the Romulan ship (which is hovering above Earth) by coming out of warp behind Saturn. Saturn is 800 million miles from Earth. (I just looked that up). That’s like hiding from someone in New York by standing behind a tree in Australia. Also, when Nero found himself 129 years in the past, why didn’t he just head for Romulus and warn them of the impending disaster? Seems like a century would be more than enough time to get everyone out of the way.
How about the entire awful car chase scene. Even if I wanted to own this on DVD I would just delete that scene out and guess what? It wouldn’t impact the movie at all. That’s a sign that a scene shouldn’t be in a movie, when it has no place except to “look cool.” But mostly what I find interesting is that you have 9 things, io9 has 11, Den of Geek has 8, that’s 29 stupid things most of which aren’t repeats… It makes me wonder how one movie can have so many faults and yet eveerybody still has the need to say what a great movie it is.
http://www.igp-scifi.com/star-trek-movie.html
Spock giving Scotty the formula for Trans-Warp Beaming … For me, that was mainly a really beautiful reference to Star Trek IV, where Scotty gives the formula for Transparent Aluminium (or something) to a 20th century engineer who would have invented it at some point anyway.
About the point 7., The revelation of the theory by spock before its actual invention by scotty won’t change that much the history of the whole universe, because it has allready be done by the romulians, who, by going back in time and starting killing people from the past, has allready created a parallel universe. Therefor, it’s possible that Scotty wouldn’t have find this theory in this universe without the help of spock, we don’t know because the futur of this universe sitill doesn’t exist. This is the whole plot of the movie, and there for, this movie is not e reboot but a sequel, this is also why Spock (old on) is here. It’s a shame you cannot understand the plot of a movie. If it can help you, watch Back to the futur 2.
What is the deal with the Romulan ship? Ok so it’s a mining vessel. Now compare it to say the Nostromo in ‘Alien’ which was gargantuan and had plenty of storage space. The romulan vessel on the other hand was a flimsy piece of crap and, as already pointed out, had appalling interior design. It also instantly reminded me of the tentacle hell creatures from ‘Hellboy’ when it was busting through the black hole. I also never knew Romulans had genetically advanced calf muscles. But then i don’t know much about them anyhow.
i think i would have had just one item on this list, namely, the entire movie. it was stupid from start to finish, alas, sadly, not bad enough to make me laugh. it was just… bad! do we not have standards anymore, or are we simply too blinded by the all the shit blowing up to notice a weak script?
and the alternate universe thing felt like a lazy cop-out. an excuse even weaker than the script to justify frakking with characters and story-lines already established. if they weren’t capable of writing an exciting story while respecting the canon, then they should have just left the damn thing alone.
The film was essentially flawed. The script is weak and the story is full of holes but somehow the cast especially Zachary Quinto and Karl Urban managed to hold it together to make it entertaining! It made me laugh and i didn’t get bored. so for me it was a success!
The point of the movie is not them vs. Nero it’s them coming together. That’s why Nero and Eric Bana playing him were played down a lot I think. He could have made Nero much more important in the movie but it wasn’t about that. Also How many planets surround Vulcan? Probably just the Hoth like one that they were dumped at. The green girl was in there because of previous Star Trek relation. However I will say Wynona Rider being cast was not the greatest idea ever. Instead of like “oh hey it’s Spock’s mom” it’s like “what the hell is Wynona Rider doing here?” Oh and the red matter was obviously anti matter. They just didn’t call it that because Angels and Demons opens Friday and that movie is all about anti matter.
I thought the film was ok, and I agree with most of what you said. However, I’m not sure why you think Spock’s changing the future by giving Scotty the secret to transwarp is absurd. Isn’t that the whole point of the film? Now there’s a new timeline, leaving plenty of space for new films without the constraints of having to remain consistent with the original.
By the way, what I thought was the silliest part of the film was the notion that a bunch of twenty-something year-olds would be in charge of a starship.
I’m going to out myself as the huge geek I am, but Nero does not seem like a Romulan to me. The moon of Romulus, Remus (clever name, I know), has an off-shoot of the Romulans called Remans. They do all the mining while the Romulans build their empire. Remans are bald and ugly just like Nero and crew. Just something that was bothering me…
you people are all jackasses. it was a good movie. just deal with it.
It was a great movie. This is just nit-picking.
Sorry, don´t know who tyler perry is. So I didn´t laugh when he appeared.
Also, I did not recognize Winona Rider! Was very suprised when I saw her name on the end credits.
Spock being on the cave isn´t all that coinscidental. It was the only cave for miles and miles, and it wasn´t a RANDOM planet. it was the closest planet to Vulcan, where Nero left spock to watch the planet die.
As for older Spock, If you haven´t watched the older films, you can´t comment on that. Along the films, he did become a mischievous liar. hahhaha. And he sort of like started talking in a more relaxed way later on. He certainly doesn´t have to sound like young spock! He evolved!
You guys are just idiots. It was a good movie filled with great entertainment. Sorry it’s not you mom’s Star Trek.
The red ball zombie killer plot point was in season 4 of Alias by the way
Yeah, it was cool, they found good actors for each of the roles (who didn’t act too badly), made nice dialogue references to the original series and the action was fun…
…but, a lot of the mistakes were typical JJ Abrams crap (remember Alias…cool looking spys who could wake up in LA, have a mission in Moscow and still make an early happy hour?). I like his stuff, but more than anyone else I can think of in the movie business, that guy needs a coworker whose sole job is to say, “uh, that doesn’t make sense.” I was distracted for half the movie fixated on the “a bunch of twenty-something year-olds would be in charge of a starship.”
@anon about the red ball: yes there’s a link to signify such, but yeah, i’m get out of the way of Trek nerds.
she’s 6 years older
I took the cave of coincidence thing to be some cosmic draw to get them all together again (it also brought Scotty into the mix).
Anyway, I enjoyed the film enough to let the little silly bits go, and my wife loved the hand thing.
Yes, there was plenty to chuckle at, but like many said, it still holds up. The whole downfall of the franchise has been that it’s so bogged down in continuity. And while I normally would see the ‘alternate universe’ plot device as a cop-out, somehow it works and reinvigorates the brand. Obviously, if the series continues it will run into the same repetitive plot problems as past installments, but if only 1 or 2 more features are made, concieveably the end could be comprised of the crew somehow going back and preventing Nero from changing history and all could be put back to right. That’s how I would do it, therefore you have a short license to wreak some crazy frakkin havok on the galaxy and include the Borg or any other unsavory elements.
RE; “bunch of 20-somethings being in charge of a starship”…. WWII had plenty of 20 something captains, lieutenants, etc etc all charging around in aircraft, tanks, you name it; needs must in times of war etc.
Winona (born 1971) is six years older than Zachary (born 1977), not three.
But hey, it’s the 23rd century. I bet they have really good plastic surgery.
Ok. So earlier I guy posted something to the extent of hiding behind a moon on Saturn from a ship on Earth is like hiding in Australia from someone in New York. Actually, I crunched the numbers, in the size of the Earth in relation to the size of the universe, it’s actually like standing 33 feet away from someone and hiding. So it works.
jesus, Star Trek fans are frightening.
Another thing is, if the Romulan ship was a mining vessel, why was it so super stocked with offensive weapons? And didn’t Kirk and the other guy damage their drill on Vulcan, yet they used it on Earth later? And what is a photon anyway? Kirk is quoted in saying one photon a piece while taking the simulation test, in order to “save ammo.” Are photons things you can stock up on?
The biggest laugh for me was the plot itself: Romulan dude whose wife dies in a home-planet-blowing up accident (hate it when those happen!) blames the one guy who tried to help (the older Spock) for being a couple of minutes too late to prevent disaster, and spends the whole movie utilising time travel to wipe out not only Spock but the entire Federation.
Dude: you’re using time travel!!! Just go back to before the disaster and either (i) persuade your wife to find another planet to live on, or (ii) ask Spock politely if he minds setting out a couple of minutes earlier. Duh!
Ha ha, yes, the nitpicking is going to a new level, but that shows how much people got into this movie. I enjoyed it very much even though it’s far from perfect.
My biggest gripe was the treatment of black holes and what happens to stuff that goes into them. That’s too big of a topic to go into here, though.
Wasn’t bothered by Tyler Perry because I had no idea who he was or what previous work he’d done. He did OK with the role, though.
As for the Enterprise being crewed by a bunch of 20-somethings, remember that the movie is set in the early days of the Federation and Starfleet, and they were probably stretched pretty thin, personnel-wise. Why else would they be scrambling ships full of Starfleet Academy cadets like Uhura, McCoy, etc., to respond to the distress call from Vulcan? Also, Nero decimates most of the fleet sent to Vulcan, thereby killing hundreds, if not thousands, of Starfleet officers and cadets.
STOP STOP STOP, it’s clearly just a fun article.
33 feet? I’m impressed he crunched the numbers because I swear it was just to prove this guy wrong.
It was a really good movie! Not like the greatest movie ever but JJ Abrams has his own flair, and his stuff is enjoyable. No need to nitpick =].
I don’t agree with all of these, but many make good points.
None more than the one about the green chick…seriously was she supposed to look like Fiona from Shrek? The first X-men movie came out like 10 years ago and Rebecca Romaijn was blue and sexy and convincing in that, why was the make-up so poor on this?
I admit, I didn’t read all of the other comments, so if I am redundant, ignore me. But
I liked this movie. I liked it more than I expected to, so I’m going to defend it a little.
1. Okay, I don’t have much of an argument with this one. It was silly, but it didn’t seem annoying in the movie, so I gave it a pass.
2. Here’s the thing. There are probably very few M-Class planets in the general vicinity of where Nero’s ship Enterprise were (since they were relatively close together). Nero didn’t want to kill Spock, he wanted to make him suffer. Spock didn’t want to kill Kirk, he just get rid of him. I didn’t find it THAT unbelievable. I was more amazed that Scotty was on the same planet.
3. Damn it! I hated this stupid cameo too, but mostly because I couldn’t quite place who it was, and the “a-ha” moment was somewhat distracting. But I actually thought Perry did a fine job in the part.
4. My guess is that Winona was hired because they DID plan to show Spock’s mother when he was younger. I’m sure there’s a scene laying on the cutting room floor with Amanda (that’s her name in the movie) soothing a raging, beaten-up little Spock. So I don’t quibble with the casting choice. And I think she’s about 6 or 7 years older than Quinto, not 3 like the article says.
5. Oh yes, because everything was explained SO well on TOS. Has anyone YET explained exactly how the Heisenburg Compensator works? Or the warp drive in general? Accept the red matter as is, and let it go. Or read the comic book that explains what red matter is and where it comes from.
6. I’m not really into green girls, myself. I have no opinion on this point.
7. The sidekick is possibly a Reman, a “real” species in Trek-world. And regardless, he’s not furry. Sheesh. Did you people even watch the movie?
8. Spock isn’t emotionless (none of the Vulcans are). He usually tries to remain as logical as possible, and such, but I think given his bad day (and he says this), his emotions are probably pretty charged at that point. He’s not totally in control of his feelings, hence the less formal speech.
9. He’s not a slick baddie because he’s a regular guy who has snapped from being thrown into a bad situation (and given some fairly lame dialogue). I thought he did quite well. I did think the general villainy was somewhat weak in this movie, but that’s probably because they focused so much on the Enterprise crew, there wasn’t really time to develop a fully fleshed out bad guy.
The biggest problems for me involved the giant drill, which is pretty defenseless since it’s taken down by a couple of dudes shooting lasers and one shot from a ship, which made me wonder, “aren’t there any missiles or anything that earth or vulcan would shoot at the giant drill trying to destroy their planet?”
Also if you have a ship full of red matter that is very valuable wouldn’t you guard it with more than one guy, kirk literally shoots one guy when they get to the ship. no security cameras aimed at this valuable ship? And once it takes off, nobody says anything to the captain until after it blows the drill up? Maybe romulans are known to be lax on security and radar. But it took me out of the whole climax of the film.
I think the reason everybody’s so happy about it despite the cringeworthy parts is that it could so easily have been a disaster of gargantuan proportions.
If you take a project that’s almost sure to fail miserably and pull off a movie that’s watchable and fun, it’s going to seem like Citizen Kane in comparison to what it could have been.
I prefer to take all the huge coincidences with a chuckle than subscribe to some big mystic, quasi-religious It-Was-Meant-To-Be force pulling everyone together. That’s fine for LOTR or SW, but it doesn’t sit well here.
Did you people not have a good time in the theater? Picking this movie apart like this is acting like the very nerds you make of in the text.
There are several “points to the movie. One is to show how the cast members came together, one is to reboot the series that (unfortunately) has been done to death with 5 series and 10 movies by essentially erasing all that history and starting all over fresh. Nothing that happened in 5 series and 10 movies has ever happened now. It’s been wiped away. They can now make as many movies as they want with the new cast……..except that it’s all been done to death already. A lot of the silly points (like the green lady) were just tribute nods to the original series and all the life long Trekkers that are out here. It did bother me that the maiden voyage of Starfleet’s new flagship is manned entirely on the bridge by new kids. And why was Nero knee deep in water inside his ship when he was questioning Capt. Pike? Then when they panned back, there was no water on the floor?
you're complaining about a FICTIONAL mcguffin (red matter) and saying nothing about how a load of late teens/early 20's kids end up in charge of a starship? lol. in fairness, the explanation of why Kirk & Spock ended up in the cave together was adequatley explained.
I suspect all you're trying to do is proove you're not not nerds
I agree with Melissa. We all enjoyed this movie because Trekkers are just so darn glad to have Star Trek back. Did you know that they closed Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas because “interest has dropped” because there hasn’t been a movie or series in a couple of years. I’ve miss ST. I loved this movie, silly or not, and I’m glad they are back.
This review sucks
Funny article and BTW the green chick was hot!
Spock never said meeting his younger self would create a paradox that would destroy the universe. Sorry – that’s from Back to the Future (and possbily other time travels shows since). I know because I am a huge BTTF fan and was waiting to see if Spock said anything like that and he didn’t. He explained at the end he did what he had to do to forge the Kirk/Spock friendship.
gee, thanks for explaining.
the point of the time travel was to make it so they could start a whole new star trek series of movies.
that’s for you stupid people.
It’s always funny when some talentless pissant internet hack (that’s why you’re relegated to blogs, by the way) try to insult others as “nerds” depsite the fact that your universe revolves around writing meaningless articles for some shitty internet site nobody who matters even reads.
Ah, but you just read it and that’s time you can’t get back. We win.
People, don’t think too much. It’s just fantasy.
Most of these are really nitpicky and can be easily rationalized. (Also I’ve never seen Tyler Perry before this movie and I didn’t recognize Miss Ryder so I was not bothered by these.) The only problem I had with the movie was how easily Kirk was able to become captain after being shot out of the Enterprise hours before as a nussiance (you would think he would have been demoted too). Wouldn’t Spock have prevented Kirk from becoming captain by assigning someone else the position before releasing himself? Also I think its a bit silly to have a twenty-five year old captain, even if he is supposedly really smart and a born leader. All this said I really enjoyed the movie and can’t wait for a sequel. It was really entertaining and the Iron Man comparsion works for me.
I seriously thought Winona Ryder was in jail or something, so that’s why I was surprised to see her. Totally hit the nail on the head with this review though–hilarious!
These weren’t the only silly things from the movie. I felt cheated by JJ Abrams. He’s not just Bad Robot, he’s a bad movie maker.
Saw the new Star Trek movie yesterday. The story was stupid and the plot holes were big enough to drive the Starship Enterprise through. I am so disappointed with JJ Abrams vision of the franchise. He had Spock and Uhura hook up like high school sweethearts. Kirk didn’t get any girls, except the slutty green one, and then they made him Captain before he graduated from StarFleet Academy.
Save your money…Don’t go see the new Star Trek film. It’s insulting to the audience’s intelligence!
You forgot about the lens flare in every single shot.
Really? No mention of the Nokia car phone in the world of the future that’s moved beyond money and corporations…
This post sucks. Keep the traffic coming guys.
IT’S……A……MOVIE, people! Entertainment, a work of fiction, for God’s sake, not a dissertation on historical events. Just get over all the inconsistencies and plot holes, and try and enjoy it for what it is.
I really enjoyed it, myself, and loved all the little in-jokes and references to TOS and the “original cast” movies.
I hate to knit pick but the title of this is very bad grammar. It should be “9 Silly Things about ‘Star Trek’ at which we can’t help but laugh.
It is a science fiction movie, what is the point in pointing out glaring errors in something that is predicated upon fiction and a future version in which the world is larger and not rooted in destruction and carnage.
For those of you complaining about the Beastie Boys, you missed the reference.
It’s supposed to be a Shatner joke.
Sabotaaaaaj!
Ok so, here is the thing. There was a prequel for this that ties it with the “normal” tng era + 20 years after the Nemesis film. It’s called “Countdown” and it’s in comics (official released as merchandise for the movie, prequel tie in etc).
In summary: Spock is a resident of Romulus, he discovers that the system would go supernova, tries to warn the romulans, Nero (having the classic romulan haircut) discovers a mineral that creates red matter on a romulan moon. Spock makes an attempt to use the technology but is being too late, romulus is destroyed. As a result Nero and the rest of the mining crew lose their home, become bald and tattooed, go to a cloaked space station and get the uber borg/romulan technology dreadnought that hunts spock in the new film. Spock creates a wormhole and passes through to the alternative (rebooted) timeline with Nero’s ship.
As for the points. The bloated hand was the most hillarious one (and not mentioned).
1. Scotty’s Mishap reveals that Scotty is a little goofy in nature (which is a better scotty than the TOS), in constrast with Sulu who has amazing sword skill (and does not wait the naked episode to show). Also I think that the creature Scotty has, is actually planted because is a relative to James Doohan.
2. Spock was the reason that this movie occured (in the scenario). If he hadn’t pass the wormhole (rift?) then nothing would have happened. Nimoy’s spock is a wise one; Quinto’s spock is a compelling one (shown from the flashback on Vulcan as well).
3.I don’t get who Tyler Perry is (sorry, I am from Greece hehehe)
4. I do know Winona, but there is a scene I haven’t seen on the movie (and was shown on the trailer). Grown up spock with mom.
5. Red matter is explained in the prequel comic. If you are not so much of a fan, just leave it as a mcguffin plot like the device that Tom Cruise stole on MI:3 out of the chinese building.
6. I wait for Megan Fox to own this franchise too with the help of Zooey Deschanel.
7. Also Jolene blalock should have been there for a role or something 😛 (I explained the sidekick earlier)
8. Yeah. Like we haven’t seen enough paradoxes on Star trek, like Mirror Universe people, hi-jacked from the past people, the whole Zefram Cochrane (First Contact) thing and god knows what else. I’d be really surprised if the Lost Island appeared as a diorama world if there would be a tv series based on this star trek 🙂
9. I agree. Romulans are the complement of vulcans. I don’t know how this particular franchise would work (the vulcans who are considered the no.2 on the federation are now even less than the twelve colonies survivors) while the romulans do exist in numbers (no home planet was destroyed there jimbo). Probably the borg should appear, or even Q and wipe them out as well. Either that or swine flu.
10. Yes, but where is the ipod jack? Also does wall-e walk amongst the trek people?
I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though I did find some of these same points a little goofy. Fortunately, I rarely get hung up on these sorts of movie silliness. It was a fun movie to watch, and that is a pretty rare thing these days.
I did giggle over the gung ho redshirt. I recognized the moment he appeared that oh, no, here’s the redshirt guy, and at first I couldn’t believe that they were sticking with this hoary tradition, but then when he destroyed himself out of an excess of zeal, well, THAT was funny.
Sure, it’s not perfect. Not even close.
But it’s still plenty of fun for the Trekkos who will allow themselves to think about what this all may mean to the Trek Universe.
1) Everything that happened before the Kelvin was attacked should be the same. Therefore, the TNG crew going back to save Zefram Cochrane from the Borg still happened. This won’t happen again unless Q still introduces the crew of the Enterprise-D to the Borg, and the same events play out as before…
2) The ship shown in ST:IV is already on its way to find out what happened to the whales. Will the universe now play itself out in the same way decades from now so that Kirk’s crew is in a position to time-travel around the Sun and fetch some whales from the past? Way too many factors involved here, Genesis Project, Klingon bastards killed my son… Can’t fal-tor-pan on Vulcan anymore! Maybe Old Spock will just warn the new ‘verse about Khan and avoid the whole issue?
3) Earth and Vulcan were the two driving forces behind the expansion of the Federation. Now that Vulcan’s out of the picture, who will take its place in a similar sphere of influence? Andoria? Betazed?
4) Old Spock is still alive, and obviously had no problems sharing technology with the new universe in order to save Earth. Will the spread of transwarp transportering affect the development of the Federation? Will Old Spock embrace the continued disclosure of future scientific knowledge?
I’m looking forward to see what JJ does with his new toy…
Just want to clarify point #4 and why Wiona Ryder is playing an older mom here. Actually, she ORIGINALLY had more scenes with a kid Spock that we saw in the beginning and hence playing closer to her real age, but those were cut from the film. We do get a SMALL glimpse of her without the old make up when Spock was baby though. But yeah, it was suppose to be more and I read they will make the DVD cut.
Did anyone catch the Slusho reference? It’s been in Cloverfield, Heroes, and now Star Trek.
I’m telling you, the people who are buying the Cave of Coincidence are just too accepting. When they defend the idea, they only mention how it’s the closest planet to Vulcan, so it’s resonable as to why both Spock and then Kirk were both stranded there. I’m not even arguing that.
My problem is, even if that planet is only as small as our moon, that’s still huge when you consider that Kirk only ran probably a few hundred yards, fell down an incline and then was right at the same cave Spock had been holed up in. The likelyhood of them being placed less than a mile from each other on a planet that big is well….why don’t those number crunchers who posted earlier figure that out and tell us. And not only that, but at the exact time Kirk runs in the Cave, Spock happenes to be waiting right there with a torch already lit and ready to drive the beast back. Holy cow…that’s an incredible suspension of bisbelief.
cave of coincidence is definitely at the top of the list. the others can be widely disregarded and ignored, the result of uneducation and ignorance at the plotline and developments of the story. not to mention unappreciation of various nods and acknowledgments to classic star trek. if you were to continue pointing these out, why not include sulu’s background in fencing? to a reviewer, it would seem forced and strange that sulu would volunteer himself for this, while a fan would know that this is in fact a reference to the originial series. regardless, this list is overwhemlingly nit-picky and pathetic. just enjoy the movie for what it is.
No one I saw the film with had any idea who Tyler Perry was, and I wouldn’t have recognized Madea if I hadn’t read he was in the film before I saw it. Bitching about Tyler Perry being in this movie is like bitching about Harold being in this movie: actors are allowed to try different things. It didn’t really take anything from the movie, and in 20 years, few people will probably notice/care that Madea has a bit part.
“Caves of Coincidences” are replete in sci-fi universes like Star Trek and besides, Nimoy’s role was adorable. Furthermore, if you remember TNG, Spock embraced his human/emotive side a little more in his old age. He always had wit (even on TOS) but by his guest role in DS9 he was pretty emotive and positively friendly. I rather like what they did with Vulcans in this film: as Sarek says, “In many ways, emotions run more deeply in our people than in humans.”
Scott’s plumbing accident was supposed to be funny. The whole audience was laughing the whole time. It was ridiculous, not terribly tense (everyone knows Scotty will make it through that) and funny as hell.
None of your “laughable” things really bothered me at all. This movie was far better than Wolverine and most other summer action movies in recent years, not to mention the fact that 5 or 6 of the Star Trek films have totally blown.
“guest role on TNG”* sorry I know Spock was never on DS9. I just happen to be watching DS9 right now because I’m so cool and I got confused.
The Beastie Boys Sabotage reference was epic fail. I just bet Kurtzman and Orci and Abrams all sat around patting themselves on the back and giving themselves the circle jerk over how clever they thought they were with that one. Lame.
actually I thought the Orion slave girl makeup in the Original series was superior to this girls makeup.
I take it you guys hate trekee(ers) and the rest cuz you didn’t leave much you liked about the movie. I’m guessing the corvette scene and the beauty shots of the boobieprize.
You missed one.
Black Holes don’t work the way they did in the movie!
Despite the laughable bits, I still enjoyed the movie. Though I have to say, neither of the actors that I thought did the best were prominent. It’s probably just my nerdiness that made me notice how spot on Scotty and Dr. McCoy were, especially Scotty’s shifty-eyed reaction to Uhura and Spock making out in front of everyone. And you have to love McCoy’s manner of speaking and that eyebrow quirk.
I guess I’m just saying, it didn’t break any molds and the plot was lacking, but the actors held it together, both those with small and large parts.
To commenters saying the crew’s in their late teens an early twenties: How do you figure?
The age of this cast is pretty much the same as the cast was in TOS.
Chris Pine (Kirk) is 29 years old, Zoe Saldana (Uhura) is 31, Zachary Quinto (Spock) is 32, and Karl Urban (Bones) and John Cho (Sulu) are both 37.
For the three years TOS aired (1966-1969), Nimoy and Shatner were 33-36, Nichelle Nichols was 32-35, and George Takei (Sulu) was 29-32.
I still say it’s weird for 32-year-old Spock to have a 38-year old mom though. Six-year-olds should NOT be having babies!
@snobographer: “To commenters saying the crew’s in their late teens an early twenties: How do you figure?”
The character of Kirk was 25 when Vulcan was destroyed – we see him born at the beginning of the movie, and are told several times that that scene was 25 years ago. Chekov claimed to be 17. I don’t remember picking up on any other explicit references to character ages but it seems fair to assume the other senior cadets would fall into that general age range.
As far as Kirk taking command in the crisis goes, that’s not so unreasonable – he’d gone through the Academy training in record time, was regarded as a leader by his peers, and had demonstrated a keen instinct by figuring out that Vulcan was a trap. He’d been appointed to a position in the chain of command by the most competent authority available, he wanted the job, and he had no other duties, so he could take over without causing a major reshuffle… To attempt to put anyone else in command at that point would have provoked an internal crisis when the ship needed to be responding to the external crisis.
On the other hand, while almost anyone can be given command in a crisis, making that rank permanent (and not just for him, but for the entire bridge crew) is preposterous – you just don’t skip a raw cadet up to one step short of admiral and give him the single most prestigious command slot – the new flagship – available (the original series Enterprise was just one of a dozen deep-range starships, and Kirk, taking command at 31, was, at the time, the youngest starship captain in Starfleet history). Kirk’s promotion skips him past every single previously commissioned officer below flag rank. Give him a medal, sure, put him somewhere where he can rapidly accumulate experience and seniority, sure, and maybe 5 years down the line give him a captain’s chair, but unless the whole of the rest of the fleet got eaten by space gerbils or something, and the new wave of cadets are the most senior people available (and there’s no retired or half-pay officers who you can reactivate, no admirals willing to give up the desk job, and no way to talk the guy in the wheelchair into staying on) you give the job to seasoned officers, not some guy who, in another timeline, matured into a great captain…
As for the Kirk/future-Spock/Scotty convergence… Leaving aside the question of how an ice-moon comes to be orbiting a desert-planet (maybe the villain set up some sort of fancy telescope, or maybe Spock had a vision or something) there’s still at least a couple of mighty coincidences – Scotty being assigned to that particular isolated outpost as punishment detail (and if it’s *that* close to Vulcan, it hardly seems likely it would be an isolated outpost…) and Kirk’s escape pod happening to land near Spock’s cave – it’s like knocking on a random door in New York and having Woody Allen answer… (and why was Spock planted practically on top of the only federation outpost on an isolated planet – within walking distance of help!) For that matter, how come Scotty didn’t notice Spock being marooned on his doorstep, nor Kirk’s escape pod landing? It’s not like there’d have been a lot of traffic around…
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the movie – the cast made the movie for me – but that doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore the writers’ lapses. I forget who, but one noted SF author once described writing SF as like a game played with the readers – the author writes his story, attempting to get everything right, and the readers then get their turn, trying to find the holes. Original series Star Trek played the game pretty well – well enough for Lawrence Krauss to write a book titled “The Physics of Star Trek” and still be taken seriously as a physicist. It seems pretty clear that the minds behind the new movie didn’t pay much attention to their science advisors (or picked the wrong ones) – though their science mistakes are a whole other rant…
Out of all the ice caves in all the worlds, you had to walk into mine.
Eh, it's improbable, but you can't fault a science fiction movie for improbable coincidences. I mean, honestly, with as many as every day life has… I've run into friends at hole-in-the-wall bookstores in Prague that I didn't even know were TRAVELING. Them both winding up on that planet makes sense – both were dropped off on a planet near to Vulcan. Spock Prime so he could see it be destroyed, Kirk because they were still near Vulcan when he was marooned. Them both winding up in a cave…. makes less sense, unless it was the only visible form of shelter. But really no more improbable than running into my ex-boyfriend at a concert in Chicago even though he lives in Oslo. And Kirk and Spock, at least in later years, do have that weird connection.
Wow, while I agree that there were definitely some problems with this movie, I think there are some problems with your opinions as well. I think you should go rewatch he movie and get your facts straight. For example, so you really think the planet Spock and Kirk end up on was random? If so, this does not say much for your powers of observation. You're comment about Spock totally changing the history of time in this Universe truly shows your own IQ, as the history of this time line had already been altered (In case you didn't notice the little clue of the entire planet Vulcan being blowed up REAL GOOD). As well, if you think Old Spock is emotionless, you not only missed one of the major plot points of this movie, but of the other movies as well (not to mention the original series). If you really think "Most science fiction is inherently silly" than maybe you should leave it to people that understand it. I'm a Trek fan, and even I would only give this movie a 5/10, but not for the reasons you state.