Sigh, yes, it’s come to this…
Cary Elwes, and some of the original “Saw” cast are evidently returning for “Saw 7,” excuse us “Saw 3D.” This writer didn’t bother seeing the film, but wouldn’t this mean that half of them are on crutches or wheelchairs because they sawed their limbs off? Best of luck to this quality cinema franchise, sincerely.
God, it’s been pathetic news days lately. The guy who wrote the “The Thing” and “A Nightmare on Elm Street” reboot, Eric Heisserer has been hired to write “Final Destination 5” which we’ll just presume is being shot in 3D. We have zero interest in all these films, though we suppose we’re curious how badly these filmmakers will fuck up the John Carpenter classic. Also, on a side note can someone tell us how in god’s name the ‘Elm Street’ reboot didn’t succumb to upping itself to 3D? Does Platinum Dunes, the Michael Bay company that delivers this schlock have a shred of integrity in them? Mind blown at possibility, please discuss among yourselves while we sit down and take a lightheaded breather.
Speaking of a quality cinema franchises. Someone has made a wise decision among myriad poor ones. There were rumors that Jamie Kennedy would somehow revisit his deceased and hyper annoying/self-reflexive character in the upcoming 3D “Scream 4” — sensing a trend here? — but screenwriter Kevin Williamson has assured fans that the character is dead so he won’t be returning. Something about mall miracles…
Paramount is moving ahead with a third ‘Ring’ film. Can you guess what it’s going to be called and how it’s going to be shot? “The Ring: 3D!” David Loucka, who wrote Jim Sheridan’s thriller “Dream House” starring Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz, has been tapped to pen the script. That should give it a modicum of cred, but let’s face it. This property was in a cellar, set to be be tossed out, but the 3D phenom craze hit and it was dusted off. Every studio has at least one property like this they can revitalize now that 3D is here to stay, it’s immensely transparent and obviously the always non-discerning, make-a-buck genre of horror is ripe to ride this fad.
Because you really, really care, here’s the teaser trailer for “Piranha 3D” only a film that B-Movie lovers like Dimension Films would release (and irony, it’s-so-bad-it’s-good enthusiasts would look forward to). Its been on the shelf for a long time now, and the trailer, which is supposed to be seen in 3D, has been showing in front of genre pictures since late last year. If this thing makes more than $20 million at the box-office in total we’ll be shocked (being generous). It’s like basically the frat version of “Jaws” in 3D with a surprisingly decent motley crew cast (Ving Rhames, Elisabeth Shue, Richard Dreyfuss, Jerry O’Connell), and of course an appearance by Eli Roth playing a dbag. Those of you who’ve seen the trailer will notice the money shot of Ving Rhames chopping up some tiny sea monsters is missing, as is the original release date (which was supposed to be this month, according to this trailer). Currently, the film is slated for an August 27th release.
are you sure scream 4 is in 3D?
i definitely read that kevin williamson didn't wnat to go that way.