10. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows” [Original Review]
Dave Green‘s rendition of the single most mystifying pop cultural phenomenon of our time finds almost everyone involved on strong form. The special effects team in particular do a whiz-bang job, and Green keeps the action sequences more fluid than series’ godfather Michael Bay is wont to do. The casting directors enact several coups, like getting Tyler Perry and Laura Linney (for whom one’s heart obviously breaks) to join regular offenders Will Arnett and Megan Fox. But all this attendant technical prowess only serves to highlight the fundamental fucking stupidity of a franchise based around four apparently teenaged yet ‘roided-out turtles named after Italian Renaissance painters trained by a sensei rat who fight New York City crime using their Spice Girl-style single characteristics (which are helpfully enumerated as strategy, instinct, logic and heart). The endeavor thus scuppered from the get-go, it’s hardly even a critique that the story is puerile and schematic, as baddie Shredder escapes custody and attempts to aid an abortive alien invasion, while the Turtles bicker internally about the possibility of turning human before learning Important Lessons about Accepting Who You Are and… yawn… is this thing over yet… Teamwork. TURTLE POWER.
9. “Gods Of Egypt” [Original Review]
You could argue that “Gods Of Egypt” marks a watershed moment: the point when audiences got so sick of whitewashing that they rejected wholesale a blockbuster premised as such being forced upon them. It’s a nice idea, but it’s more probable that “Gods Of Egypt” failed because it was completely dreadful, rather than because it was a film set in Egypt with a cast of Scotsmen, Danes and Australians. Once one of the most promising visualists in cinema with films like “Dark City,” Alex Proyas here delivers the story of a street urchin (the very boring Brenton Thwaites) who teams with deposed God Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) to take down the malevolent Set (Gerard Butler). It’s a film that has everything: appropriation of ancient cultures and mythologies of “Clash Of The Titans,” production design of “Jupiter Ascending,” actors palpably struggling against green screens and lousy dialogue of “The Phantom Menace” (this has probably half a dozen of the worst performances you’ll see all year — step forward, Elodie Yung and Gerard Butler), and the boring hero’s journey bullshit of 90% of blockbusters. All it fails to have is one single redeeming feature. Oh, and it erases the identity of an entire people. It’s a good thing we won’t see the likes of “Gods Of Egypt” again, for more reasons than one.
8. “Dirty Grandpa” [Original Review]
Though Robert De Niro has more occasional highs these days than Al Pacino or John Travolta, for example, you still have a wealth of choices to choose from when seeking to pick out the absolute nadir of his career. At least, you did until the deeply undignified “Dirty Grandpa,” which is essentially a full-length movie version of the rapping-granny-who-says-fuck character that crops up in every terrible R-rated comedy movie released since “Old School.” Directed by “Borat” writer Dan Mazer with the same sourness he brought to his directorial debut “I Give It A Year,” this turkey sees Zac Efron’s uptight twentysomething forced into accompanying his recently widowed grandfather (played by De Niro and named, with a crushing sense of inevitability, Dick) to spring break in Daytona Beach. Efron and De Niro are game for more or less anything that Mazer can throw at them, but the trouble is that everything he throws at them is awful —it’s offensive without being truly transgressive and punches down while hedging its bets (De Niro defending a character from homophobic bullies doesn’t make up for the shittiness of his character elsewhere), and stinking of flop-sweat from the effort of trying to make you laugh. Which it doesn’t do.
7. “Divergent: Allegiant”
Some of you may have had a spare afternoon and read Veronica Roth‘s not-bad YA trilogy “Divergent.” You may also have watched the first two installments of the film series, which are passable in a “the-only-dvds-in-your-airbnb-when-a-coup-has-trapped-you-inside” sort of way. So you might have thought yourself fairly well-up on the Divergiverse, yet you’ll be completely at sea for most of the third film (directed by Robert Schwenke, veteran of the second installment). You will not be alone —just imagine how those less familiar with either the books or the preceding entries would feel. With the most memorable of its baddies already killed off and tepid villains taking their place (Jeff Daniels instead of Kate Winslet, and Johnny Weston instead of Jai Courtney —God help any film so poor that you start longing for the presence and charisma of Jai Courtney), the problems go beyond even the blandness of the characters who surround the valiantly floundering Shailene Woodley. Mainly, it’s that the story has by now become incomprehensible, pivoting so awkwardly off its original, fairly well-conceived axis that you may honestly spend the first half hour trying desperately to remember who all these people are and why they’re doing what they’re doing. You’ll also likely spend the last half hour actively forgetting everything all over again.
6. “Fifty Shades Of Black”
Proof, for any masochists who need it, that there is no property so self-parodic that it can’t be cannibalized for further mirthless lampooning by a Wayans brother, “Fifty Shades Of Black” is a spoof version of “Fifty Shades of Grey” given a side-splittingly hilarious African-American spin. So dead-eyed desperate for topicality that it uses “black lives matter!!” as a punchline delivered by billionaire Christian Black (Marlon Wayans) when his snooty mother (Jane Seymour) tazes his klutzy virginal paramour Hannah (Kali Hawk), that nadir marks merely the driest spot in this 93-minute laugh drought. Even the stunt casting falls flat, whether it’s Florence Henderson as Christian’s childhood piano teacher who initiated him into the world of dom/sub sexuality (via a heavy-handed series of “Whiplash” references), or Andrew “most followed person on Vine” Bachelor as Hannah’s “platonic” best friend who is not above roofie-ing her drink such is his unrequited lust, or comedian Jenny Zigrino‘s promiscuous-fat-white-girl-who-thinks-she’s-black. However, it does contain a sight more peen, albeit prosthetic/putty-based, than the Ken-doll-prudishness of the original. How impressive.
BvS at no.2? Thats just some pandering BS.
… To whom? Not everything is a conspiracy or a click-bait take-down, some things are just bad.
But this isn’t one of those cases. There’s no way in hell that movie even belongs on this list – unless you’re one of the many sobbers that still can’t over that the film showed *GASP* Batman killed bad guys??? waaaahhh!!!
K.
My reaction Exactly :*
You all must not have seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. Good for you.
I liked the first one! Didn’t quite bother with part 2, though.
No way in hell you actually believe BvS is worse than that turd Sandler flick or that atrocity Alice in Wonderland sequel. I get it, it’s the big Snyder flick and you guys would feel weird if you missed a chance to high five over anti-fanboy clickbait garbage, but seriously, you can do so much worse than that flick.
BvS on the worst list and not “Ghostbusters?”
oh don’t you know the new Ghostbusters is empowering
I agree, BvS was the only film here that did not deserve to be on the list. If they should have put anything on the list, it should have been God’s Not Dead 2
grrr… “God’s Not Dead” shows up in my Facebook list of movies, even though I haven’t seen it & never will. Can’t delete it either, which means that somebody paid facebook to promote it. Kevin Sorbo should go back to playing Hercules, and leave the religious movies to that former sitcom star who made the “Left Behind” movie. Not that I’d watch that either.
The Do-Over is amazing.
Emma Watson’s Colonia. Sweet Jesus, Colonia. It makes Regression look like a masterpiece. I’m not exaggerating.
“Time-pinched trolls”
The URL might’ve changed, but The Playlist remains the same.
Batman vs. Superman really wasn’t that bad. Unless you’re a Marvel stan and then it was The Worst Thing That You’ve Ever Seen or Will Ever See!11!!
the scene (and music) when superman saves the girl in the day of the day is absolutely haunting
This post brought to you by the word “nadir.”
we must be friends. I posted something similar before meeting you, oh soul-matey one.
Warcraft?
It’s on some lists but all of them because not everyone thinks it’s one of the worst movies of 2016.
WARCRAP is bad enough to make the top five. Ugh, what a disappointment Duncan Jones.
“Let us know what you hated most in the comments.”
Your Juvenile, amateurish self bored hate-filled troll diatribes
Oh Yee Nattering Nabobs of Negativity
Shailene Woodley sucks, and I am happy to see her flounder. I pray she never works in Hollywood again. And as for Gods Of Egypt, I can’t find a worse film this year.
a lot of americans despise SW because she told the truth about snowden
How about The Lobster…oh snap!
Haha!
You left out some truly crappy movies and BVS should not be anywhere near number 2. Your Snyder hatred is boring. He’s still doing Justice League so get over it.
This list sucks.
For the most part, yes. I was surprised Batman Vs Superman was in it, honestly.
Civil War should be near the top of this list.
it made a lot of people happy
Nadir. That is all.
This website is manned by faggots.
How can I tell?
YOU CAN’T PUT THE ENTIRE FUCKING LIST
ON ONE FUCKING PAGE
YOU WORTHLESS SHIT EATING FAGGOTS.
I object to the term shit-eating.
Yeah but they sure don’t.
So full of shit. Apocalypse was fun as hell. Dirty Grandpa was funny as fuck. I didn’t see the new Turtles movie, but the writer condemns it solely based on it being a stupid premised franchise (sorry, but people love TMNT, you can’t say the franchise has no merit), didn’t even say anything specific about why the movie failed.
Oh and Mr. Right was fucking awesome. Rockwell was amazing, RZA was rad, Kendrick was great. It was funny as hell. One of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time.
You condemned Hardcore Harry for the wrong reasons. I turned it off during the opening credits because it was obviously murder porn made for serial killers to get their kicks. It starts with random, anonymous people having their heads and necks cut open in slow motion set to fun music. But your criticism was that the story was too simple? Jesus. Your article makes me wanna actually watch the whole thing now. If this guy hated it, then it’s probably not that bad.
You are so wrong about Mr. Right. That movie sucked balls! I’d rather slit my wrists than walk into a room with that movie playing in the background. good god man.
Mr right was awesome Sam rockwell still got it! and i agree Kendrick was Hilarious. @Stiflab We all like different movies for different reasons. Just like everything else in the world.
remember the music that ruined his arms selling scene in IRON MAN 2
https://youtu.be/rRGZuTrmCBQ?t=4m27s
see the leaked trailer is better
I kinda wish they dropped the list closer to now so they could swap out one of these with Cell.
I am so disappointed and Angry with The Cell! I read that book twice, loved the book. The movie was a butchard nightmare .. Im shocked King let that POS be released !!
And this is what happens when feminist review films.
BvS wasn’t that bad to be considered the worse film of 2016. It had it’s flaws but to be the worse is just wrong. I still don’t understand why directors try to justify why they take different approaches to a story when the entire fan base is totally against it. The Lex character just ruined it and I myself, had to watch around it just to enjoy the film.
Well probably because there’ll be far more than just the comicbook fanbase that’ll be seeing and supporting the film.
Your assessments is the number one. ie Top of the list.
So after your Top Worst movies, you still had to compile all the OTHER films that could’ve made the list. Let’s see – what movies DID you like? When you hate that many movies, you may want to consider that maybe you’re not the best judge of them.
this is why I don’t go by ANYTHING ANYONE has to say about movies. #1 It is your opinion and not very good one at that , #2 do you enjoy anything or do you nitpick at every little detail in every movie! Look at what you are reviewing? When i what X Men or any superhero flick or cartoon turned into a live movie etc. I go in for entertainment and eye candy! ! Lighten up Lady and Get the stick out of your butt! The world is a scary place lately and with all the politics and hate crimes , I love to watch movies and escape from the reality of our world with an open mind and to have some fun! isnt that the point.. critics suck and Haters gonna hate ! Blah!
aren’t you just the greatest little self hater? the world is a scary place with all the hate crimes, so you like to watch movies that promote hate. makes sense.
You made a fair list and BvS deserves to be in the top five. I love Batman to death and still can’t give that movie a high grade. And no trolls a killer Batman and Snyder are not the reasons I didn’t enjoy the film. The plot was convoluted and the editing didn’t help matters among other issues. The fact that even fans of the movie give the extended cut such high praise and question the important scenes cut from the film gives credence to editing issues at the very least.
really? bvs was worse than warcraft? 5th wave? grimsby? you lost me there.
i saw BVS in the cinema i loved it especially JE as LL
empire magazine gave the Lance Armstrong biopic “The Program 4 stars
The weird thing about Divergent/Allegiant was it was supposed to be a two part movie, but the first part (Allegiant) covered the entire story. You make sense of it.
I almost took these movie reviews seriously until all the BS about the movies being sexist, racist, anti-feminist’. Reading this is like listening to a liberal arts lesbian b**ch about political correctness and white guilt. Movies are now judged based on whether there is a properly diverse cast and is PC friendly.
well, she’s writing the article and you are what… commenting? her opinions are published and your gripes are simply tacked on. have problems with women much? angry a little? as far as i could tell, she didn’t say anything about white guilt. thats your own little no longer unexpressed issue.
You have to understand that PC to Mr. Jeff means white middle class men miss the time when they could put down women and other races with no repercussions. Sharing governance and power with the rest of American cultures makes them feel like they are the real victims when all they have to do is look around and see 90 + percent of the power and money in this country is still controlled by them.
Suicide Squad should be on the list. First for the disappointing hype. Second for the 1980’s special effects. Third for the silly notion that bullets, boomerangs and a bat is enough to stop any super villain. Fourth for the pointless plot. Only Will Smith and Margot Robbie made the film bearable to watch to the end.
But how are they supposed to get a younger audience to watch the movie. If it doesn’t have outrageous shit kids wont watch it i should know i’m 17and have three younger brothers and we all watched suicide squad.
This is not an insult to your age but when you are old enough to see many more movies you’ll notice the production formula most movie studios are running into the ground. That is the same boring, unimaginative plots and acting you have seen a dozen times. It’ll get really old by the time you are twice your age.
Lost me the second it called Zoolander 2 an improvement over Anchorman 2. The whole article, even the few reviews that did in fact point out an actually terrible flick, was truly obnoxious.
The rest I agree, but X-Men: Apocalypse and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice are not that Bad… granted not the best Box Office Movie but certainly does not deserve to be called the worst.
There were worse than BvS, Otherwise the author needs to stop attempting wit. I love all the racism lines but 3 guys dying in a plane crash over 50 years ago was rapier like wit?
I do agree with the whitewashing of “Gods of Egypt” though. How dare they use white actors to portray gods in a fantasy world based on a long dead religion from an area where there is so much genetic diversity the actors should have been gray. I come from a region very close to North Africa and were the stepping stones for every army, tradesmen, and others from all over the place. Yes, the cast should have been racial mutts, but the racism calls were not entirely intelligent either. Egypt is more culturally separate than racially different from other regions. Kind of like saying England and the USA are 2 different races.
At least Christianity and Judaism have been represented culturally in film…..
Batman vs. Superman felt like it was written by a committee of 8 year olds. And I actually fast-forwarded through Apocalypse. But I was sooooooo shocked when it turned out that Jean Grey was able to defeat the purple guy. Compleeeeetely unexpected.
The Neon Demon should be at the top of this list. Complete hyper-violent crap disguised as an art film.
I really really wanted to be with you on this list. I usually try to defend these things… but, how can you say that Cabin Fever can’t be counted but straight to Netflix movies like “The do-over” and clearly slapstick, turn your brain off movies like “Shades of Black” can be counted? Then you had the nerve to say that Batman versus Superman ( which had some really amazing moments, despite being over all lackluster) was number two on your list and Ghostbusters didn’t even make the top 10??
This can’t be a real list. I feel like this is trolling…
I am sure This list of worst movies is best rather then any other list.
http://www.viralblocks.com/2016/11/17/these-films-are-the-worst-of-the-worst-prettyfamous/
This list is stupid. Shit list. X-Men: Apocalypse doesn’t deserve to be on this list. And how could you put BvS below that dumb Adam Sandler shit flick? And how could you put X-Men: Apocalypse below Zoolander 2 and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Jessica Kiang and Oliver Lyttelton, you are both retarded. You both suck balls.
I loved BVS. Too many people use marvel movies as a template. People wanted to see a DC version of a marvel movie. DC is inherently darker. Metaphorically and literally. Anyone notice how in most marvel movies they always fight during the day? And then there are people that bitch about storylines. No one mentions how mcu totally erased “mutants” or that bane was nothing more than a henchman. A lot of people took their cues from critics, the fact that critics are still reviewing movies is laughable. The only people dumber are the ones that take their cues from them. The critics and people that gave movies like Sucker Punch, Spider-man 3, the phantom menace, daredevil and the abortion of a movie catwoman. The fact of the matter is if enough people are reading a movie isn’t good they start to believe it. God forbid people think for themselves. Im sorry that dc doesnt just puts together the movie for you piece by piece like marvel. The plot wasn’t bad, the weak spots are their choice for Lex and the martha part. The rest made for a great movie. The same thing with Suicide Squad. Everyone went in saying “try not to compare jokers” yet did it anyway. Sorry it didn’t fit into what you wanted the joker to be, but the joker is never supposed to fit anywhere..
Civil War should end #1 and Deadpool make that list… never saw a film so overrated with a poor story and zero replay value !
Hey I think you are harsh on Criminal. I thought that was a very good and entertaining movie. And don’t forget Independence Day: Resurgence. That movie was an abomination just like the Ben Hur Remake.
X-men:Apocalypse and The Do-Over, but especially The Do-Over, were awesome.
I cannot stress enough how anyone who liked Billy Madison should love The Do-Over, it is an amazing film and exactly what I have been waiting for from Adam Sandler and David Spade.